Dwarfs are thrown by tossers but – worse – are dropped from the BBC’s vocubulary

January 14, 2012

He had an unfortunate encounter with a Pommy tosser.

Alf has brought the BBC into his blog for the second successive day.

But whereas yesterday his interest was triggered by a boorish broadcaster’s dragging New Zealand into his badinage, today he will berate the Beeb for being much too bloody precious.

Its avoidance of simple English so as not to offend dwarfs is best illustrated by examining how other media have headlined reports of the same event on their web sites.

Top marks for succinctly summing things up go to Newser: Tosser Cripples Dwarf.

The Sydney Morning Herald headlined its story with Dwarf left wheelchair-bound after being dropped on night out celebrating his birthday.

Scenic Queenstown highlighted the local angle: Dwarf blames Queenstown bar antics for inspiring attack.

The Week tells us: Paralysed dwarf blames England’s Mike Tindall for his injuries.

But the BBC is much more coy: Man with restricted growth injured in street attack.

It kicks off its report -

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Let’s not take BBC bloke so bloody seriously – but this isn’t Paradise for tourists, either

January 13, 2012

Why would a Yorkshireman want to come here...

...when he can admire this scenery every day?

Just because a bloke is a radio host does not mean he should be taken seriously.

To the contrary, anything and everything your typical radio host says should be dismissed as grist for the mill of entertaining and amusing an audience of people who can’t afford television sets.

Hence Alf is astonished to find how much excitement has been generated by a BBC radio host by name of Toby Foster.

As things turn out, this feller tells us he was “just having a bit of a laugh” when he slagged Kiwis as “crazy” and “boring” and said that New Zealand had “sod all” except for earthquakes on his breakfast radio programme on Monday.

BBC Radio Sheffield’s Toby Foster had a rant after wrongly reporting that an Australian woman, who survived a plunge into Africa’s crocodile-infested Zambezi River when her bungy cord snapped, was Kiwi.

He said yesterday: “It was quarter to nine on a Monday morning, I was just having a bit of a laugh.”

So how does Toby Foster get his laughs?

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Top Gear could slip into reverse and hire a woman to become The Stig – with a pink helmet!

September 5, 2010


It’s unlikely to be any of the woman drivers who were gathered at the convention pictured here.

Or the woman driver who – if Alf has guessed correctly – pressed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

But William Hill, one of the UK’s largest bookmaking outfits, is placing the odds of the next Stig being a lady at 4-1.

Gamblers can also bet on what colour the next Stig will wear.

Pink – good grief – is holding 5-1 odds.

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