Sorry to say, Boss, it seems you should dump red meat and switch to fish for memory recovery

April 30, 2013

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There’s been something of a fuss in the media of late about The Boss’s dodgy memory.

Alf strongly suspects reports of his memory failures – and yep, there have been a few – have resulted in support for him fading just a bit in opinion polls.

This is a matter of huge concern to the Member for Eketahuna North, whose future as a Government MP rather as an Opposition MP after the next election is dependent more than somewhat on support for The Boss improving.

Accordingly Alf has been studying memory loss and what can be done to remedy it, and he thinks he is on to something.

The Boss is a great bloke for getting his choppers around a chunk of red-blooded meat.

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Let’s jog our memories on what David Shearer said about forgetfulness and fitness to hold office

March 19, 2013

Good to see The Boss seize on David Shearer’s failure to declare a US-based bank account with more than $50,000 in it on the MPs’ Register of Pecuniary Interests.

He describes it (here) as an “unfortunate” mistake of a type the Labour Party is quick to criticise the Government for.

“People make mistakes. I make mistakes and when I do, I try and tell people I’ve made them. It’s just that you don’t get cut any slack from the Labour Party when you say you’ve made a mistake, but when they make one they don’t want anyone to have a look at it.”

Mind you, Shearer isn’t talking of a mistake.
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What’s needed for the economy to fire up? A good dousing with water wouldn’t go amiss

March 16, 2013

That got it going ... plenty of water.

That got it going … plenty of water.


The boss delivered another damned good speech in Auckland yesterday.

He said (see here) the New Zealand economy is emerging from tough economic times.

Alf’s has a vague memory of him saying something similar a few years ago.

But that was then and now is now.

And he is not being unduly optimistic about the outlook.

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A weekly (or weakly) wage isn’t intended to support life – rather, it is there to be worked for

February 11, 2013

The headline at Stuff (here) is somewhat misleading.

It says –

Key not keen on Living Wage

This is a reference (as we shall see) to The Boss.

And The Boss happened to have been discussing this matter with a colleague who passed on the gist of their chat to Alf, who accordingly can be sure about what Key is keen on and isn’t so keen on.

For the record, bearing in mind this comes to us somewhat second-hand, he is supposed to have said he is not keen on a living wage for those lower down in the pecking order, but he is very much in favour of a living wage – with plenty left over – for himself.

A luxury living wage, in fact.

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Let’s not rule out the English arriving in NZ before the Maori – maybe Prof. Smith could check it out

December 28, 2012

The indigenous people of this country have cause to be somewhat nervous this morning.

One of their number is saying the status of Maori as “indigenous” needs to be investigated.

If such an investigation was to establish that our Maori fellow citizens are not quite as indigenous as they claim, then…

Well, they can no longer claim to be “special” under that United Nations thing (see here) that John Key agreed to a year or so back to keep his Maori Party coalition mates happy.

The call for an investigation can be found here.

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Grub’s up, but support for Nats is down – so the PM shouldn’t be displaying his gross eating habits

December 3, 2012

Dunno what The Boss thought he was doing when he got up on stage to scoff a live cricket and a grub.

This generated great publicity for the Bear Grylls’ show.

It did nothing to enhance The Boss’s public image.

This Grylls feller is in New Zealand for two stage shows in which he recalls his experiences of survival in some of the world’s toughest environments.

But while he might have to eat grubs on occasion to survive, we National politicians depend for our survival on having a leader who doesn’t make a dick of himself by dining on bugs.

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While The Boss is abroad having a good think, maybe he could consider sending Alf overseas too

November 19, 2012


A bloke needs time to think but Alf hadn’t appreciated that space is a factor, too, and that overseas travel enhances one’s thinking.

He did know that travel broadens the mind, but broadening it and improving it are not necessarily the same thing.

Today, however, we have it on no less an authority than The Boss that jet-setting is good for the brain.

At least, he reckons it does wonders for his brain, and it’s fair to suppose that if this be so, it will do wonders for other brains, too.

Although (come to think of it) it would take a great deal of travel to enhance the thinking power of your basic Labour or Green politician.

So much travel, in fact, that we would never see them in this country.

Come to think of it even further, this would be no bad thing.

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Coptic Christians show Labour the way – they blind-fold a bugger and get him to pick their leader

November 5, 2012

It doesn’t matter who Labour picks … we Nats will still have the much better leader.

The Labour Party could learn a thing or two from the Coptic Christians in Egypt about picking a new leader.

Just throw everyone’s name into a hat, then get some blind bugger to pull one of them out.

Whoever it is will become the new leader.

Simple.

And because every member of the Labour Party caucus can boast the brainpower of a David Beckham, but not the income, it doesn’t much matter which one takes over the leadership.

But clearly it is time for a change, because (as you will see here) –

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Forget about Beckham’s batshit brain – just take a butcher’s at his bank balance

November 3, 2012

Hi, John … and how much are you earning?

Having never seen a dob of batshit, at least not so far as he is aware, Alf is none the wiser about the depth or dearth of David Beckham’s intelligence.

But he is aware that “batshit” is a measure of a bloke’s braininess employed by The Boss.

He might have said as thick as guano, which is the excrement of seabirds, cave dwelling bats, and seals.

He might further have pointed out (as your learn here) that –

Guano manure is an effective fertilizer due to its high levels of phosphorus and nitrogen and its relative lack of odor compared to other forms of organic fertilizer such as horse manure.

Dunno if it is better to be as thick as batshit, apeshit or pigshit.

Or as thick as guano.

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Govt has not abandoned hungry kids (and it is considering fattening some TV moguls, too)

October 9, 2012

Dunno what them tossers at Radio NZ think they are up to.

They posted an item on their website (here) about we Nats not caring about starving kids.

This, of course, is a calumny.

The item started by saying:

The Government is being accused of not taking child poverty seriously and leaving schools to come up with the resources to feed hungry children.

The item is based on official papers released to the Green Party.

Alf has not seen these papers but Radio NZ says they show Health Minister Tony Ryall originally approved extending the scheme from decile 1 and 2 schools to include decile 3 schools.

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