Bishop’s Slough of Despond

January 30, 2009

Alf has gone back to Radio New Zealand National’s infamous bunch of prattlers, The Panel, to pluck out another gloomy-guts to be punished for spreading blarney about our economic outlook.

Are they staffed with subversives at Radio NZ, nowadays, he wonders – broadcasters on the lookout for economic pessimists with the gift of the gab to spread their dyspepsia?

The outlook is bad enough without the depression from a bloke called John Bishop Read the rest of this entry »

Wish I’d said that

January 29, 2009

“An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.”
-Alfred Knopf

Mugged but still alive

January 29, 2009

Poor old Barnsley Bill is wailing about being mugged “by a patched member of this countries largest gang” (his spelling, not Alf’s).

Going about my lawful business I was pulled over and the mugger demanded 150 dollars from me.

Apparently I did not Read the rest of this entry »

The saving of Prince Harry

January 29, 2009

Great news today from Britain’s Telegraph. Paris Hilton has ruled out a romance with Prince Harry because of her friendship with Chelsy Davy.

Of Prince Harry, who recently split from girlfriend Chelsy Davy, she said: “I think he’s a nice guy, I love Chelsy though – I think she’s so sweet – so I wouldn’t try anything.”

Last year it was reported that Prince Harry ignored Miss Hilton’s attempts to attract his attention while dancing at a London nightclub.

Alf – an unabashed royalist – is enormously heartened by the Hilton bint’s remarks. Princess Paris? Hideous.

And the prospect of her genes tainting those of the royal-blue-blooded Windsors was more upsetting to him than the sobering item from Homepaddock on the latest Fonterra dairy payout forecast.

A thought flickered into his head: what sort of return could Harry expect for the product from a ditsy heifer called Hilton? The mind boggles.

BB of good cheer

January 28, 2009

Alf takes umbrage at being described as a bloody old curmudgeon by BustedBlond (he won’t be old until he is 110, and he reserves the right to push that figure out a few years when he gets there).

He also is smarting at the low blow struck by BB, who – like most women – has no compunction about hitting below the belt.

But he is delighted she regards herself as a Pollyanna Read the rest of this entry »

Liquor laws are a mess

January 28, 2009

New Zealand’s liquor laws and the policing of them are a mess.

Raised in the days when the pubs were shut at 6pm, and later at 10pm – oh, the wild liberality – Alf wonders about who frequents joints that sell booze till the small hours and exactly what sorts of problems they create.

He hankers for a return to the good old days when a pub would stop serving booze in time for a bloke to get home to at least catch the sports bit of the late-night news on the telly.

His musings are prompted by news that the good citizens of Palmerston North can no longer find a bar legally open beyond 3am,
now that the cops have successfully applied to reduce the licensing hours of a watering hole called The Red Doors. Read the rest of this entry »

Leniency extended to Busted Blonde

January 27, 2009

Alf’s attention is drawn to the likelihood that Busted Blonde made herself a candidate for the roundup of doomsayers with a very brief item on her blog yesterday.

She drew attention to an Agridata item headed “optimism gives way to uncertainty”, which says it is the speed with which unbridled optimism has turned to fear and warnings to curb spending that has surprised dairy farmers.

Alf is bothered by commentators who lower confidence levels with words like “fear”, which means the Agridata people probably will be rounded up for the tumbrel.

Busted Blonde showed distinct signs of pessimism by describing the Agridata item as a nice round-up of the changes in rural circumstances and saying “It does not make for good reading.”

But the picture on her blog suggests she’s a well-endowed lass, and her ample bosom would reduce the amount of room in the tumbrel for blokes like Richard Griffin.

She will be spared, this time.

Salute to the bearers of glad tidings

January 26, 2009

Praise where praise is due – and a special salute from Alf to the purveyors of GOOD NEWS about our economy.

At the same time, Alf is tidying up the case for the prosecution to have more purveyors of pessimism taken away in the tumbrels for a public pummelling. Or maybe we won’t bother with the formalities, and just haul the buggers off anyway. Read the rest of this entry »

Death sentence protesters can go hang

January 25, 2009

The Green Party’s Keith Locke, Amnesty International agitators and all the other hand-wringers who complain about New Zealand doing business in a country where murderers are executed should go hang themselves.

They wail about the need for Fonterra and our government to campaign against the death sentences imposed on some very bad people (and to come out swinging in favour of democracy and human rights).

But what do they expect should be done to those who poisoned the milk with which Sanlu (Fonterra’s Chinese partner) made a deadly baby formula? Read the rest of this entry »