What a bloody miserable lifestyle was in store for us – it seemed – if ever mass dementia took hold and we elected a Green Government.
A strong whiff of a Green future was wafted from a post in Frogblog, portending that when the tree-huggers take over, we will have to throw away many (if not all) of our electric gadgets. Our electric kettles, heaters, blankets, toothbrushes and what-have-you.
The appliances that make life comfortable and shopping such fun.
In a bold move to combat global warming and the Government’s indifference to New Zealand’s Kyoto commitments, the Green Party is leading from the front and will immediately stop using most electrical appliances in its Parliamentary offices as of today.
Yeah. It was published on April Fool’s Day, and hence was conceived – probably – as a jolly Green wheeze.
“The current Government’s laissez-faire attitude to carbon emissions means that more needs to be done. The parliamentary Green Party has decided the only way we have any hope of meeting our commitments to the global village is if people flick the switch – permanently,” said Green Party Co-leader Dr Russel Norman.
As of this afternoon all media statements will be hand delivered to the parliamentary press gallery. Rather than wasting power using energy-sapping computers, staff will type media statements on recycled paper.
Typewriters reclaimed from landfills will take the place of the energy-gobbling desktops and give the Green Party a distinct point of difference from the usual bland emailed press statements of other parliamentary parties.
To further differentiate the Green Party all releases around the ‘Green New Deal’ will be written using recycled fountain pens sourced from an organic Bolivian Emu farm. Recently elected US President Barack Obama is understood to favour this form of communication with his closest advisors due to its sustainable nature.
It is estimated the energy saved by this initiative will cancel out 0.000000001% of the country’s Kyoto obligations and the anti-environment policies that the present Government is intent on implementing.
“This may seem trivial to the media but the fact our media unit is willing to get ink stains on their best clothes shows the commitment the Green team has to doing our global duty,” said Green Party Co-Leader Jeanette Fitzsimons.
Alf was perplexed. Should he congratulate the buggers for confounding his firmly held belief they have no sense of humour?
Or should he go with his strong hunch that someone like Sue Kedgley won’t see the joke and has already stripped her office of anything that needs batteries or plugging in to a power point to make it go?
Moreoever, maybe she is already mobilising support to have these bans built into Green party policy?
Oh, and let’s note:
This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 at 4:11 pm and is filed under Parliament.
Alf is old-fashioned enough to question whether pranks should be permitted so late in the day. He was momentarily minded to chide the Greens for breaking what he understands is a noon-deadline convention.
But bugger me. That’s what the fun-sapping Green Party wants to do – impose boundaries and prohibitions.
A bloody good prank should be appreciated on any day at any time.