Nah, give the bloody grinch a break

November 30, 2009

The Dom-Post must think its readers are stupid. Its editors might be, but Alf – for one – knows better than to believe that…

The grinch – in the guise of the recession – has stolen the capital’s free Christmas Day bus services.

Free bus travel stolen by a grinch? Bollocks.

Worse, stolen by a grinch disguised as a recession?

That bullshit is the Dom-Post’s pathetic substitute for hard facts.

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So what’s to be done to judge in bias case?

November 30, 2009

There’s the whiff of something distinctly rotten wafting from our justice system.

Justice Minister Simon Power has hastened to attend to the source of some of the pong. But not all of it.

He is to ask Cabinet to agree to sweeping changes to our legal aid service

after revelations hundreds of crooked lawyers are ripping off taxpayers.

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Don’t knock the bop in all cases

November 27, 2009

Yeah, Alf knows how a good Nat was supposed to vote on the legislation to repeal the use of provocation as a partial defence for murder. But he has more than a sneaking regard for the concerns being expressed in the legal community.

Moreover, he salutes ACT, which was the only party to oppose the repeal bill which passed last night by 116 votes to five.

The legal objections are reported by Stuff.

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But not all sows will be locked up for Christmas

November 25, 2009

It’s always a pleasure to see greenie grouch Sue Kedgley get her come-uppance in the House. Hence Alf enjoyed yesterday’s Question Time, before we got into the tedium of the ETS legislation.

Sue was banging on about pig farming, codes of welfare, and what-have-you.

She asked Alf’s mate David Carter, our worthy Minister of Agriculture, if he stood by his statement of 20 May 2009 “I would like to be able to issue a new code of welfare for pigs by the end of this year”. She also asked if he was confident this would be achieved.

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Puccini, pot and potty plant-growing practices

November 24, 2009

Alf had been somewhat sceptical about claims that smoking the demon weed could lead to promiscuity, harder drugs and – sometimes – madness.

He is a sceptic no longer, after reading about the New Plymouth woman

who played classical music to her cannabis plants to encourage them to grow was yesterday sentenced to community work.

Solo mother-of-three Zarah Murphy cultivated 20 cannabis plants in a room with photos of healthy plants as role models on the walls and played them “nice classical music”, her lawyer Pamela Jensen told New Plymouth District Court yesterday.

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The booming business of labia lopping

November 23, 2009

It’s not only a matter of women being from Venus and men being from Mars (or is it the other way around?). It’s also a matter of blokes wanting bigger ones and women wanting smaller ones.

Bigger dicks and smaller labia.

Alf knew all about the boom in products that purport to give a bloke a bigger todger. His e-mail contains plenty of bargain offers (which, he hastens to add, he has no need to pursue).

He did not know much about the booming business in surgery on women’s genitalia, but it’s happening right here in Newzild.

Christchurch plastic surgeon Howard Klein said he had seen a dramatic increase in women wanting labiaplasty – an operation to make the labia smaller – over the past two years.

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Yeah right – and the Pope will become a protestant

November 22, 2009

Is Hone Harawira ready to become a team player? Alf reckons it’s as likely as prospects of the Pope becoming a Presbyterian.

But according to the SST today, the stroppy MP is “hurting” over his treatment by Maori Party leaders (violins, here, please)

…and is preparing to give an undertaking that he can “work within party rules”.

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