Unabashed royalists like Alf are chuffed that Prince William arrives in New Zealand today for a three-day visit.
He will be there, enthusiastically waving his Union Jack and wearing his tie with the Queen’s face emblazoned on it, when William touches down in Auckland just after 11am.
The prince’s first task will be to visit Eden Park to see redevelopment work and be briefed on plans for next year’s Rugby World Cup.
On Monday, he will attend a wreathlaying ceremony at the National War Memorial in Wellington.
But then – if it hasn’t happened already – the poor bugger will be exposed to the repugnant antics of some of our more odious citizens.
A bunch of protesters is intending to turn up when the prince opens the Supreme Court building in Wellington tomorrow.
Alf is ashamed to say some of our members of Parliament will be among the protesters.
He yearns for the good old days – a few centuries back – when your royals could have ordered the beheading of these rabble-rousing bastards.
In this case they are left-leaning trouble-makers, so their beheadings would lift the nation’s average IQ with two swings of an axe and do good things for the gene pool.
Alf’s information comes from Stuff, which says –
Labour MP Clare Curran and Green MP Keith Locke will stand with advocates of a republic when a banner reading “It’s Time For A Republic” is unfurled.
“I think he [William] is sort of irrelevant to New Zealand, so we don’t really have a thing against him, as such,” Republican Movement president Lewis Holden said. “This is all about a peaceful, positive protest. It’s just us exercising our democratic rights.”
More surprising, the Prince will face a protest by Ministry of Justice staff, who are agitating for a pay settlement.
What do they think William can do to increase their pay?
And what else? Why not a protest from the Popata brothers, who are agitating for a bit of land to be taken from its legal owners and given to their tribe in the Far North?
Or a protest from the hearing-impaired, the deaf buggers who staged a silent protest outside Prime Minister John Key’s Kumeu Office a week or so back over the closing of the Advance Centre in Auckland?
Or by that Minto wanker and his malevolent gaggle of supporters who don’t want Israeli tennis player Shahar Peer to play in this country?
The only valid issues for protest that Alf can see on this occasion would be the building’s supreme ugliness and (much more important) the paradox of his opening a building to house a Supreme Court that replaces the Privy Council, a bastion of the British justice system.
Locke, if you didn’t know it, has a private member’s bill for a referendum on the question of a republic.
Locke’s Head of State Referenda Bill would send New Zealanders to the polls to decide whether to retain the British monarchy or move to an elected New Zealand head of state.
Locke yesterday said he had approached several national figures and been offered support by at least a dozen people, some of whom had been involved in starting a debate on changing the New Zealand flag. Writers, artists, sportspeople and academics were among them.
Locke said he expected to name them this month.
His bill had “a good chance” of passing its first reading, because it had supporters across every party, he said.
This obviously means there are republicans in the National Party, a matter that is greatly disturbing and distressing for Alf.
When he learns who they are he will be having a chat with them, and if he can’t win them over …
Well, maybe he can invite them to Bellamy’s on the day of the vote and slip a potion into their drinks to incapicitate them for a few crucial hours.