A new anthem for woofter Wallabies to warble – “In joyful strains then let us sing of Aussies full of fear”

Whoa there. Alf has been tempted on occasions – usually after the sad-sack Black Caps’ latest thrashing by the Aussies – to endorse the idea we become another state of Australia.

Without having to sober up, he has had that nonsense shaken out of his mind-set.

He now can see that Aussies are fast becoming a nation of woofters, and we have enough woofters of our own without having to join a nation of the buggers.


Alf has been straightened out on learning that a top private Australian school is considering banning boys from playing rugby against some teams, fearing they could be seriously injured or even killed.

But in New Zealand, more children are lacing up their boots to play the national game

Ra, ra the Kiwis.

According to the Herald’s account of the latest triumph of namby-pamby Aussies, the principal of Brisbane’s St Joseph’s College, one Peter Chapman, is considering banning his students from playing rugby against teams that recruit talent from overseas.

He said the excessive size and strength of some schoolboy teams could result in injury to opposing players.

One of his colleagues went further, saying there could be a death on the paddock.

“With this process proceeding the way it is now, death is unavoidable,” said the vice-chairman of Queensland’s Great Public Schools association, Arthur Palmer.

So what the hell is going on?

For starters, the Brisbane Courier-Mail has found some of Australia’s top private schools are recruiting talent from overseas on sports scholarships.

Can’t find enough robust and red-blooded young bucks at home, obviously, as Aussies increasingly become soft and pappy.

But former All Black fullback Glen Osborne said it was a “ridiculous situation”.

“I wouldn’t say they’re scared Australians but maybe they’ve got a committee that’s wrapping their kids in cotton wool … if they think their teams are big they should see some of our school teams.

“Rugby is a contact sport so if they’re scared of contact they should go and play soccer which is also a contact sport so if they’re scared of that then maybe they should play netball,” he said.

In this country, according to the Herald’s report, New Zealand Rugby Union figures show player numbers increased by 4 per cent last year from 2008.

One of the biggest increases was in the under-13 age group which had 6 per cent growth.

Mind you, there are hints of namby-pamby attitudes creeping into our game, too.

Counties Manukau Sport club development officer Barry George said rugby had become safer and more player-friendly because of weight-grade restrictions and programmes such as Rippa Rugby and Small Blacks.

And, despite a slight increase in rugby neck injuries last year, mostly from tackles, he doubted there would be any fatalities.

“I wouldn’t think so – actually, I doubt it.

“I don’t see an issue in the contact side of things at all … the game these days is played at a much faster pace but it’s all in the quality of the coaching, if you get the technique right and it’s not all bash and crash.”

So there you have it. We go no further than trying to make the game safer for youngsters, but the bloody Aussies are thinking about banning the game.

Maybe the anxious headmaster should consider seeing if his lads could play rugby against teams mustered by local school-girls. If they are up to it.

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