A burst of enthusiasm for books? Nah, the rush to the library was to get a butcher’s at bare boobs

Mrs Grumble insisted Alf drive her to Masterton yesterday, to buy a few things that aren’t available here in Eketahuna, rather than to Palmerston North.

The closer proximity of Masterton, it transpires, wasn’t the only consideration.

She was keen to protect Alf from the spectacle of bare-breasted bints on motor-bikes.

Moreover, the politically astute Mrs Grumble was aware of the electoral mischief that might be done here in Eketahuna if Alf had been photographed ogling these damsels.

The Manawatu Standard treats its readers to an eyeful of what was on display, if – like Alf – they missed out on the spectacle.

The newspaper reports that the Palmerston North Library enjoyed “a brief surge in popularity” because its second-storey window offered a clear view of the adjacent Convention Centre and

… provided the perfect place to unwind with a good book and watch porn stars strip to their miniskirts.

It was also the only spot onlookers could enjoy the Boobs on Bikes parade that was out of the rain.

By shopping in Masterton, accordingly, Alf could not have followed the good citizens of Palmerston North who were flocking to the library.

Hence, until he read the news at Stuff, he did not know “14 topless but goosebumped women could be seen riding pillion on motorbikes in The Square at 3.15pm to kick off the weekend’s Erotica Expo.”

Bob McCoskrie, of Family First NZ, would have despaired that the event went ahead.

The best he could do, alas, was to advise parents to stop their children being exposed to topless porn stars on their way home from school.

He expressed disappointment at police, the courts and politicians for allowing such parades to take place.

As things turned out, high school kids got a good butchers at the bared boobs because of the parade’s timing.

Pornographer and event organiser Steve Crow said it was “unfortunate” the parade did not get under way on time at 2.30pm. The delay allowed a number of Palmerston North Boys’ High School students to make their way into town – some even cycling alongside the parade.

Mr Crow put the late start down to losing the keys for a van that shuttled the women over from Whanganui, where two hours earlier, the parade had made its way down Victoria Ave.

Alf wistfully wishes Mrs Grumble shared the attitude of Palmerston North onlooker Bilge Cable, 51, who is quoted as saying it was just a bit of harmless fun and more exciting than watching windmills.

On the other hand, he sympathises with those of a more conservative disposition who criticised Crow for holding his Erotica Show at Anzac weekend. They say the remembrance weekend should not be shared with erotica.

Damned right.

He can only suggest people who are offended should spend the weekend elsewhere. In Eketahuna or nearby – well, not far – Levin, or example.

A lack of interest led to Levin’s Boobs on Bikes being cancelled.

Crow said there were not enough local bikers to make the Levin event worthwhile and it was hard to get Palmerston North riders to go to Levin.

“We need to get local bikes in Levin. We had no problem with the girls, there were plenty of girls.”

The expo’s porn stars were paid to participate, but Crow said most paraders were local girls, who took part voluntarily.

Wonder what Tariana Turia would make of this willingness to serve the community without pay as Community and Voluntary Sector Minister…

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