So they’ll tan Gillard’s hide when she dies, folk, and you’ll find it hanging in the shed

Harry could finish up as a handbag like this, but Gillard's hide is much thicker...

Alf expects heads to roll in the aftermath of the Aussie election.

Yeah, the pundits are saying it’s too close to call.

But Alf is ready to predict the rolling of a red-head, the Gillard woman, whose toppling will be no great shame and will have the great benefit of sparing us further exposure to a Strine voice so acerbic it will strip paint from anything within 50 metres.

The second head to go will be that of the crocodile whose psychic powers are about as strong as those in Alf’s dunny seat, which are not much.

The expectation that those heads will roll follows naturally from news that Australia is facing its first hung parliament since 1940.

The ABC is tipping the Coalition to have 73 seats in the House of Representatives, with Labor on 72, four independents and one Green.

Coalition leader Tony Abbott is saying he stands ready to govern Australia.

He has warned Julia Gillard that Labor has lost all legitimacy after big swings against Labor destroyed the party’s majority in the House of Representatives.

Neither the Labor Party nor the Coalition have enough seats to form a majority government.

The fly in the ointment is that…

Ms Gillard has vowed to fight to hang on to power in a possible minority government after Labor MPs were swept aside by swings of more than 9% in Queensland – home state of former prime minister Kevin Rudd – and more than 6% in New South Wales.

The people have spoken, but it’s going to take a little while to determine exactly what they’ve said, she said.

But Alf finds Australian Labor politicians no more palatable than New Zealand Labour politicians, and he is cheered that more Australians voted for the Coalition parties than for Labor.

Abbott is making the same point.

This is no time for premature triumphalism, he said. [Instead] there should be an appreciation that this has been a great night for the Australian people.

He said the coalition was back in business and would try to form a government.

Gillard probably is right when she says it will take days to work out the final result.

And as Alf understands these things, she is entitled to continue to govern under caretaker provisions.

But when her caretaking duties have been fulfilled, someone in the Labor Party will do to her what she did to Rudd not so long ago and bump her off.

As for the reptile – and no, Alf is not talking about her at this juncture – Alf would not put money on Harry the croc living to a ripe old age.

Harry – it will be recalled – predicted a Julia Gillard win in the election.

The Aussies had placed great store in Harry on the strength of his predicting Spain would win the World Cup.

But they might just as usefully have tossed a coin.

Harry made his election prediction in Darwin when he grabbed a dead chicken dangling beneath a caricature of Gillard. Opposition leader Tony Abbott’s chicken was left hanging.

But it took the croc a curiously long time to make up its mind about which chicken to grab.

At the time, Alf put this down to Harry being Australian, and hence apt to be remarkably slow in the thinking department.

It is becoming increasingly obvious he was simply bewildered, another Australian characteristic, and was not up to coping with a close race.

The bright people at Hermes make wonderful bags, like the one pictured above, and are famous for their quality leather and classic designs. Alf is sure they could put Harry’s hide to good use.

Dunno if they could do anything much with Gillard’s hide. Alf is reliably informed it is much too thick for the making of boutique handbags.

But rhinoceros hides make great whips. Anyone fancy being lashed with a Gillard whip?

One Response to So they’ll tan Gillard’s hide when she dies, folk, and you’ll find it hanging in the shed

  1. Hung parliaments- yes- they should be!

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