Check out Alf’s previous post. It featured a set of balls.
Pretty balls they are too.
Today Alf wonders if they belong to Paula Bennett, because it seems she has lost hers.
Alf is bemused by news of a fuss about something called “sex toys” on display at the ASG Parent and Child Show.
Organisers have asked the exhibitor of these toys to tone down her display.
Pushchairs, carseats and cots are the usual fare at these events.
These sex toys – whatever they might be – apparently stand out like dogs’ balls, so to speak, and according to The Herald –
Chris Finlayson’s blather gives Alf a serious dose of the shits, on occasions.
Question Time in Parliament yesterday was yet another occasion.
Questioned in his role as Attorney-General about some Maori howz-your-father in the Far North, the bugger did his damndest to avoid denouncing the ratbags involved.
But denunciation was especially in order on this occasion, because two of the ratbags should have been in jail (for a considerable time) for roughing up our Prime Minister at Waitangi.
Alf would have jailed them for a few decades, then deported them to the land of their ancestors, which he believes is Hawaiki.
But the justice system let us down badly on that score, and now the Popata brothers are up to their tricks again.
Alf has been alerted to another product that is being peddled to sad bastards who want to get stoned.
His personal advice to such people is to head for a country like Saudi Arabia, commit adultery, and be legally stoned.
But it seems you can get legally stoned in this country by smoking Kronic.
An Invercargill mother is complaining that her teenage son came home showing all the signs of being stoned out of his brain after smoking the stuff.
Mind you, in Southland they breed people who look like they are stoned out of their brains pretty well all of the time, although they have consumed nothing more potent than mutton birds, oysters, swedes and Speights.
Alf is delighted that a Ministry of Health survey upholds the prudence of his practice of drinking nothing that has not been (a) boiled or (b) bottled as booze.
His liquid intake essentially comes from lots of coffee and plenty of good liquor.
He has aired the health benefits of booze in a previous post.
Today he is pleased to pass on the gist of a report which gives umpteen good reasons for steering clear of water as a thirst quencher.
We just don’t know where it has been.
The spooks are on the march.
Last heard of somewhere in the bowels of Te Papa, a place best avoided by menstruating and pregnant women, the wee buggers have infested the Waitomo Caves, too.
Alf has it on good authority they have travelled world-wide and account – among other things – for the recent Chilean mine collapse.
Or rather, a failure to observe the right protocols in places where the spirits have taken up residence led inevitably to the collapse.
The good news: Phil Goff is off to Australia.
The bad news: he has a return ticket.
But he won’t be back in time to help or hamper desperate effort to repair the damage done by threats of an international actors’ boycott of The Hobbit.