Alf reckons he can explain the accompanying picture.
It shows a man who was captured on Google Street View. He apparently is climbing into the boot of his car while naked.
A dog lies nearby surrounded by the contents of the sports car’s boot.
The image has prompted a rash of internet speculation over what activity the man could be involved in.
Alf’s firm suspicion is that he is a defrocked bishop, probably stripped of his clerical raiment for saying outrageously provocative things about The Royal Family.
He should be in the dog box.
But he has misunderstood being told he has been given the boot, construing this to mean he should get into the boot.
Alf’s speculation on these lines is given credence by the fate that has befallen the monarchy-hostile Bishop of Willesden, the Rt Rev Pete Broadbent.
The Church of England bishop blundered big-time by predicting publicly that the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton would not last beyond seven years.
The bugger is lucky. Not too many centuries ago, he would have had his head lopped off on a treason rap.
He is also very stupid, apparently, because his immediate boss is a friend of Prince Charles and the Church of England is headed by Her Majesty the Queen.
So how might you piss off your bosses?
Here’s one sure-fire way: you lambaste the “nauseating tosh” surrounding last week’s announcement of the royal nuptials and you liken the Prince and his fiancée to “shallow celebrities”.
In comments posted online he also claimed the Royal Family was full of “broken marriages and philanderers” and expressed disappointment that the wedding would cost the public “an arm and a leg”.
Despite issuing a public apology for the “deeply offensive” and “major error of judgement” after his comments came to light, the Bishop was suspended from his duties on Tuesday.
According to the Daily Telegraph, whose report has inspired this post, the Bishop’s immediate superior is the Bishop of London, the Rt Rev Richard Chartres.
The Rt Rev Richard Chartres is a close friend of the Prince of Wales. and sources (the newspaper says) had suggested he may be asked to conduct the wedding service.
Despite Lambeth Palace initially playing down the furore, Bishop Chartres later admitted he was “appalled” by the comments.
“I was appalled by the Bishop of Willesden’s comments about the forthcoming royal marriage,” he said in a statement issued shortly after it was announced that the Royal Wedding would take place on April 29 next year at Westminister Abbey.
“In common with most of the country I share the joy which the news of the engagement has brought.
“I have now had an opportunity to discuss with Bishop Peter how his comments came to be made and I have noted his unreserved apology.”
He added: “Nevertheless, I have asked him to withdraw from public ministry until further notice.
“I have been in touch with St James’ Palace to express my own dismay on behalf of the Church.”
Bishop Broadbent made his comments about the engagement on Facebook shortly after it had been announced.
He wrote: “Need to work out what date in the spring or summer I should be booking my republican day trip to France.”
“I think we need a party in Calais for all good republicans who can’t stand the nauseating tosh that surrounds this event.
“I managed to avoid the last disaster in slow motion between Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll, and hope to avoid this one too.”
This rabid bishop is talking about our next King.
Obviously he is not counting on being knighted or becoming a lord.
But at that point of his Facebook scribblings, he was just warming up.
He said the wedding should belong to the family, as opposed to becoming “national flim-flam” paid for by tax payers. And he criticised the media for descending into “fawning deferential nonsense”.
“I wish them well, but their nuptials are nothing to do with me,” he wrote. “Leave them to get married somewhere out of the limelight and leave them alone.”
He later added: “I give the marriage seven years.”
The Queen, of course, is Supreme Governor of the Church of England.
She would not have been amused.
Nor was Alf.
As a staunch Monarchist, he was appalled by what the bishop had said.
Frankly, he hopes the bugger is defrocked.
And let’s just check out the statute books to make sure a good old-fashioned beheading can not be sanctioned. Sometimes we legislators slip up when bringing laws up to date and it’s amazing what you might find has been forgotten, if you look real hard.