The case of an infant who consumed his mum’s methadone is sad – but it doesn’t justify new laws

December 20, 2010

No, child, they are not lollies.

Alf was a tad perturbed to read of a coroner’s namby-pamby calls for child-proof packaging on medicines.

A youngster has died after scoffing his mum’s methodone. This – of course – is sad.

But the coroner is blaming…who?

Oh, yes. The Government.

In this case it happened to be a Labour Government, which had been looking into an initiative for child-proof packaging on medicines but apparently abandoned the idea in 2007.

This decision is being linked to the death that was the subject of the coroner’s hearing.

According to the report at Stuff, going ahead with the idea could have saved the life of a four-year-old Upper Hutt boy accidently poisoned last year.

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Lotto dog’s ticket was one-way to India – here’s hoping he doesn’t finish up in a pot of vindaloo

December 19, 2010

If he digs under the fence, his Lotto luck might not last long.

Alf is dismayed at learning the fate of Wilson the Lotto dog, the wire fox terrier which starred in an advertisement in which he travels the world to return a winning ticket to his master.

The poor creature is in serious danger of straying to places like Kohima, the hilly capital of Nagaland, located at the foot of a mountain. A tourism site spells out the nature of the threat –

The central market in Kohima is a colorful place where tribal people sell delicacies such as insect grub and curried dog meat. 

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Without a good old-fashioned blood-letting at the Ministry of Health, how will it get better?

December 18, 2010

But if there are no bits left over, won't the restructuring be a waste of time?

Dunno what exactly is going at the Ministry of Health.

It certainly doesn’t look like a blood-letting.

But the Public Service Association is bleating that “a substantial number of redundancies” may result from the latest restructuring.

According to Radio New Zealand –

Uncertainty surrounds the future of many jobs at the ministry, which is introducing a new policy advice structure in February.

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What’s that strong pong of hypocrisy? Ah, it’s coming from Goff’s housing arrangements

December 17, 2010

The taxpayers keep filling this one for me, so why should I feed from my own trough?

Alf can’t say it better than Whaleoil, when it comes to discussing the rank hypocrisy of Labour’s Phil Goff. Constituents should read his post on the subject today.

Essentially, Whaleoil reminds us how Labour has persistently been putting the boot into our Bill English over the double dipping thing, perfectly legal though it happened to be.

But – as we learned last night – Goff is up to much the same sort of lark.

Alf will only add to Whaleoil’s account that he was thoroughly pissed off in the House this week when Amy Adams was doing a splendid job of extracting important stuff from English about the economy at Question Time.

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Berlusconi, belly dancers, bribes and la dolce vita – the fabulous world of Italian politics

December 16, 2010

The belly dancer who almost brought down a PM.

A couple of Italian sheilas – Catia Polidori and Maria Grazia Siliquini – are getting something of a hard time for being among three MPs who were expected to vote against Silvio Berlusconi, the rich rascal who runs the country iwhen he is not engaged in bouts of rumpy-pumpy.

According to The Telegraph, they “saved Berlusconi from humiliation over a crucial no confidence vote”.

Now their last-minute decision to side with the government has sparked accusations of bribery.

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Packing our oldies off to Niue is an attractive idea, but maybe it could be turned into a penal colony

December 15, 2010

Sending our oldies here is one idea...sending Black Power here is another.

Alf is a great mate of neighbouring MP John Hayes, down in the Wairarapa, a splendid fellow in most respects although opting to have stomach-stapling surgery seems a somewhat extreme way of losing a bit of weight.

Anyway, he is a former diplomat who chairs Parliament’s foreign affairs committee.

And this committee has come up with a great idea – it reckons we should be shipping elderly retirees off to the warmth of Niue to give the economically broke nation an industry and to save millions of dollars of aid wasted on the remote Pacific island.

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Yes, the white man chopped down forests, but only those that survived Maori burnings

December 14, 2010

Too bad about the trees, but it's bracken fern we need.

So you thought theĀ  British colonisers were an environmentally rapacious pack of bastards who came here in the 1800s and chopped down all the trees to grow grass for dairying and sheep farming?

Whereas the Maori are spiritually at one with nature, environmentallty protective and conservationally savvy?

This and that mysterious mauri thing make them special?

That’s what they would like us to believe.

They will tell us about their world view in which they see the environment as deriving from a spiritual connection, where everything is tied together as one, through the cosmological ordering of whakapapa.

But nah, it’s bollocks.

Sure, we chopped down more than a few trees but we put them to good use as building materials, fence posts, ship masts, and what have you, whereas it seems our indigenous brothers and sisters simply burned down forests.

Not to run sheep and cattle or to grow apples, kiwifruit and grapes.

Nope.

Their curious idea of a good tuck-in was to eat fern roots.

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Air NZ should have spurned the prissy prof’s preposterous proposition about suicidal poofs

December 13, 2010

"But if a few poofs do top themselves, they will be improving the species by removing themselves from it."

Ask anybody what adjective goes best with the word “professor,” – Alf recalls reading a few years back – and the answer will almost certainly be “absent-minded,” or possibly “nutty.”

Popular culture is full of addlebrained academics, whether they be villainous madmen like Professor Morbius in Forbidden Planet or Sherlock Holmes’s archenemy Professor Moriarty; crazy cranks like Professor Emmett Brown in Back to the Future, or well-meaning but harebrained eccentrics like Professor Brainard in The Absent-Minded Professor, Professor

The article appeared in the US Chronicle of Higher Education.

But nutty professors are to be found everywhere.

Some of the buggers in this part of the world are worse than nutters – they are seriously unhinged.

This must certainly apply to the professor who has pulled political correctness into the pits of the pathetic by complaining about a small scene in the Air New Zealand in-flight safety video.

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How long would you wait to find if these boxes aren’t a passport to Paradise and 70 virgins?

December 13, 2010

It turns out they contain Biblical verses, not explosives.

Joris de Bres has demonstrated yet again why he and his job should be abolished.

He is saying the crew of an inter-island ferry over-reacted when they spotted a fellow strapping strange-looking boxes to his body.

Over-reacted be buggered.

The crew quite appropriately alerted the cops and kept a close eye on the suspicious-looking character, and a full-scale alert was mounted.

This was a helluva lot less extreme than Alf’s response would have been if he had been the captain.

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Hurrah for the royals – it will take much more than a cowardly assault on their Rolls to rattle them

December 12, 2010

"I think we should take a cab and a different route next time."

There's plenty of room in here for the bloody rioters.

Well done that man, Alf says of Prince Charles.

He and his wife Camilla will not be scaling back their public engagements or abandoning walkabouts.

The Rolls-Royce carrying them were attacked during violent protests against higher university fees.

Every member of that baying mob – of course – should be rounded up and flung into the Tower of London, which would swiftly and simply take care of their fees complaints. Their study days will be over.

What the rabble did surely amounts to high treason.

It certainly would have been high treason in the good old days before the democracy caper gained too much currency.

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