HoS hackettes should check out the real meaning of “mayhem” before writing about three drownings

April 24, 2011

Dunno where Joanne Carroll and Kathryn Powley went to school.

Presumably the twosome – both newspaper reporters – did not get their basics in the English language at the splendid Eketahuna school, where Alf was taught a few decades ago.

If they had gone there thy are bound to have been given an idea of the meaning of “mayhem”.

And if they didn’t go there, Alf would like to think they learned its meaning somewhere else.

Let’s try this definition –

may·hem (mhm, mm) n.

1. Law The offense of willfully maiming or crippling a person.

2. Infliction of violent injury on a person or thing; wanton destruction: children committing mayhem in the flower beds.

3. A state of violent disorder or riotous confusion; havoc.

Get the picture?

An element of chaos is involved.

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Don Brash is not too old to lead ACT – but is he daft enough to want to quit a great political party?

April 24, 2011

So how will he look in a yellow jacket?

It’s not often that Alf gets niggly during his visits to the splendid Keeping Stock blog site.

But at the age of sixty-mumble-mumble, Alf still aspires to leading the National Party, although he keeps this ambition very private so as not to give the buggers in the Beehive any grounds for questioning his loyalty.

He is thoroughly devoted to the National Party, of course, and has been naive enough to think nobody(especially him) would want to lead the ACT Party after leading the National Party.

It seems he is wrong.

A few reports at the weekend suggest Don Brash is scheming to do just that.

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It looks like Team NZ will be getting $36m of public money – but Helen has already spent some of it

April 23, 2011

But with your money and mine we will be ship-shape for 2013.

Dunno why we Nats are copping so much heat over the decision to pump $36 million of hard-earned taxpayers’ money into Team New Zealand’s 2013 America’s Cup campaign.

The blame should be heaped on Labour for doing the deal that contractually binds us to squander the money in this shameful way – a bloody boat race in San Francisco.

TVNZ has noted the Labour origins of the arrangement –

The Labour government signed an agreement with Team New Zealand as part of the team’s 2007 campaign against Alinghi in Valencia.

As acting economic development minister, David Carter can only try to ensure the best possible use is made of the investment.

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It’s hard cheese for the poor buggers at Te Mata who saw a brighter future by merging with Kaimai

April 22, 2011

A victim of the high price of milk.

It looks like the high price of milk is starting to take a toll in jobs in the cheese-making industry.

Alf’s mate Wyatt Creech, MP for the Wairarapa for many years and a former deputy Prime Minister, is embroiled in a rationalisation of his cheese-making business and staff are being given their marching orders.

The lay-offs run awkwardly counter to the the Nats’ grand plans for building a strong economy and increasing employment, although those plans do not make political sense to Alf, because as the cost of living surges and more people become unemployed, the perverse consequence is that our lead over Labour in opinion polls increases.

Wyatt therefore is probably improving our re-election prospects by laying off cheese workers and should be encouraged to move into lots of other businesses and start laying off people there too.

For now his contribution to our re-election is modest (but welcome even so).

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The lesson here is that you will look like an ass if you become an unwitting drug mule

April 21, 2011

A chance to learn Spanish.

Alf is fascinated by the story of Sharon Armstrong, the former deputy chief executive of the Maori Language Commission.

She has been arrested in Buenos Aires airport after 5kg of something was found in her suitcase.

We may suppose this something was not taonga, because the Maori Alf knows are dead keen to bring taonga back to New Zealand and get very shirty if they learn of someone shipping it out.

Nope. It was cocaine. And it was worth a few bucks. According to the NZ Herald –

The Class A drug has a street value in New Zealand of up to $2 million.

But here’s the thing.

Family members warned her not to go overseas to meet a mystery man.

She didn’t listen.

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Ratepayers beware – investing in the waka business can leave you short-changed

April 20, 2011

Paid for by Wellington ratepayers but housed in Lower Hutt.

It’s not going to attract Alf, if it happens.

But Auckland Mayor Len Brown wants waka racing included in the annual Auckland Anniversary regatta on Waitemata harbour.

As we are reminded by Radio NZ National, the day marks the arrival in Tamaki Makaurau in 1840 of Governor William Hobson.

In the city’s early days, Mr Brown said it included waka and whale boat races.

He told Waatea News that a return of those events would be ”brilliant”.

Alf can’t see what’s stopping anyone wanting to race their waka from going right ahead and racing.

Mind you, festooning the Waitemata Harbour with enough waka to crowd out the yachts would bring that “City of Sails” stuff into question.

The “City of Paddlers” doesn’t have the same ring.

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Are we enhancing the strength of our choppers with Chinese waste – or does it corrode our IQs?

April 19, 2011

Its water is topped up with chemicals before being piped into Hamilton homes.


Alf is not fussy about what goes into the local water supply, because he does his best never to drink the stuff, including with whisky.

And – yes – he rinses his mouth after cleaning his teeth with whisky too.

Hence he has been indifferent to goings-on at a Hamilton City Council workshop on fluoridation.

Whatever went on, the Waikato District Health Board was not impressed, because it said the workshop had provided no new, robust evidence to support a change in policy.

That policy, obviously, involves tossing chemicals into the local water supply.

“Hamilton continues to have an Aa rated drinking water supply which, with the addition of fluoride, provides an effective, practical and safe means for reducing and controlling the occurrence of tooth decay in communities,” said Medical Officer of Health Dr Felicity Dumble who attended the workshop.

The source of Hamilton’s water supply, it transpires, is the Waikato River.

This river carries all sorts of stuff, much of it unpleasant by some accounts, but it naturally carries between 0.2 and 0.3 ppm (parts per million) fluoride.

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