Lithuania – where a bloke needs a blow-up sex doll to be in the swim on National Men’s Day

But is she shipshape and seaworthy?

Alf had never had an overpowering urge to visit Lithuania.

He is much more disinclined to go there now, having learned of the fondness of Lithunian men for inflatable dolls.

The alarm bells have been sounded by The Telegraph in Britain, which reports on how Lithuanians have been celebrating “National Men’s Day”.

Among other things, they competed in a swimming race where sex dolls were used as rafts.

More than 200 blokes registered for the race on the Neris river in the capital Vilnius.

Only 20 were chosen to take part in the event. No explanation is given for this serious culling. Those who missed out no doubt were seriously deflated

Liudas Pestininkas, accompanied by his inflatable doll “Vaida”, was the first to cross the finish line winning the 2000 litas prize (£250).

“Vaida was a very good girl, and only listens to me. She is cool. Other participants don’t have dolls as cool as mine,” he said.

According to The Telegraph, the race was arranged to mark what one radio station had called “National Men’s Day”, which is not officially recognised in Lithuania.

So far as Alf knows, it is not officially recognised in Eketahuna North, either.

Certainly there was no racing with rubber dolls down the Mighty Makakahi River.

The organiser of the race in Lithuania was a radio programme director, Mindaugas Stasiulis, who said an online survey had showed that men in that country felt there was a need to have a day dedicated to them.

“We did a survey on the internet and all voters said that they needed to celebrate such a day.”

The logic that leads to the next step is hard to discern.

“Therefore, today a race between men swimming on inflatable dolls on the river, the ‘Baracuda 2011’, is to be held, and we will see who will be the fastest,” he said before the race started.

Mrs Grumble turned up a subsequent report that says the champion of the National Men’s Day water race has big plans for his prizewinning inflatable rubber muppet.

The prizewinner later confirmed reports about global ambitions to take the ever increasingly popular sport a notch further.

“I’m looking for a sponsor for my trans-Atlantic bid next year,” the 25 year-old said to reporters.

“The plan is to use up to three of these erotic blow-ups as a makeshift trimaran and race them from Cork on the West Coast of Ireland all the way to the Statue of Liberty in New York.

“A pity the IMF watersports promotion budget has recently dried up…”

Alas, a critical caveat to this story is that it is a satire or parody.

The Telegraph’s story is not.

But don’t get the idea we blokes Down Under would not get up to such antics.

Not in Eketahuna North, they wouldn’t, and Alf would like to think Kiwi blokes generally would eschew such antics.

He is not so sure about the Aussies.

He recalls that a burglar twice broke into an adult shop in Cairns in 2009 to have sex with blow-up dolls.

The man is thought to have a particular fondness for the “Jungle Jane” dolls, having stolen that brand of inflatable woman on both occasions.

The owner of the Laneway Adult Shop said the thief had smashed his way through walls to gain access to the store, but always cleaned up the mess before leaving.

“He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley,” the owner, who gave his name as Vogue, told The Cairns Post. “It is a real concern that someone like that is out on the street.”

The cops were hopeful of catching the culprit because he left DNA evidence and fingerprints on the dolls.

Dunno if they succeeded.

But Alf recalls six dolls went missing in the two midnight raids, and the adult shop owner appealed for more protection.

Do you need protection when you are getting up to rumpy-pumpy with a rubber doll?

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2 Responses to Lithuania – where a bloke needs a blow-up sex doll to be in the swim on National Men’s Day

  1. nasska says:

    Given the rural demographic of Eketahuna North is it possible that the event will be replicated with minor alterations.

    I await, with keen interest, for reports of farmers racing down the Makakahi on blow up sheep.

  2. Maximus says:

    I’m sure given the vast amount of men from that country in the UK, that it will soon be taking off here!

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