Another ex-All Black has name suppressed – but that’s not how Parliament wants the game played

Are the bloody judges listening to we legislators?

Two court cases reported in the papers today have triggered this question and sparked Alf’s sense of outrage.

First, a former All Black who pleaded guilty to child assault yesterday was granted name suppression.

Mana needs to hone its analytical skills – and it should be more wary of positive poll portents next time

"It's mum...she reckons we've got enough seats for me to be the Prime Minister."

A capacity for good political analysis seems to be lacking within the Mana Party.

The buggers are arguing the toss today about whether the election result was good or bad for them, after leader Hone Harawira reclaimed his Te Tai Tokerau seat, but the party failed to capture enough of the party vote to bring a second MP into Parliament.

Co-president Annette Sykes was in the latter group, saying she was “far from disappointed”.

Given that the party was formed only seven months before the election, 20,000 votes was a huge achievement.

If you would stake your life on the stability of a drifting lilo, which party are you likely to support?

Alf remains bemused – and, let’s face it, highly disappointed – about how come we Nats failed to secure an even bigger majority at the election.

Then he spotted news of the group of young men who sparked a night-time search after taking to the Hutt River on lilo-type rafts after a drinking session.

If Michael Cullen didn’t say it, then it’s time someone did – we won, they lost (etc)

Take your pick, Phil

Look at the official scorecard.

True, they are preliminary results for the 2011 General Election and Referendum on the Voting System.

The Electoral Commission aims to have the official results published on its site by 2pm on Saturday 10 December.

But the preliminary results are pretty convincing.

What do they tell us?

Hah – we won, they lost, eat that!

But hasn’t that been said before?

A lot of people think so.

If you think those health labels will steer shoppers away from junk food – fat chance

Food label? What food label?

Alf has never joined the clamour for more and more information to be stuck on food labels.

The champions of this nonsense want consumers to know which country the food comes from, how much fat and so on it contains, whether it has any genetically modified components….

Whole forests must be chopped down to provide the paper for the labels to carry the information that food products must carry already, without the labels telling us more.

Alf was astonished, on visiting a government website, to find the obligations heaped on food processors and retailers.

And guess what?

Most shoppers couldn’t give a toss about what they say.

Lefties and greenies should look beyond asset sales to find the defining election issue

What happened to these privatised state assets? Oh, yes, they finished up in public ownership again.

Buckets of bollocks have been uttered about sales of state assets during the election campaign.

Labour’s Phil Goff – for example – has been banging on about them being gone for ever, once they have been sold.

So how come taxpayers are still pouring money into our state-owned rail company?

Alf was among the enthusiastic supporters of the Bolger government’s privatising New Zealand Rail Ltd back in 1993.

The bloody outfit went through a few name and ownership changes – Tranz Rail, Toll NZ – and continued to bleed money.

In May 2008 the Clark Government agreed to buy Toll NZ Ltd (less its trucking and distribution operations) for $665 million.

It has not been a nice little earner for taxpayers since then.

But it has shown that once an asset has been sold, it it is not necessarily gone for ever.

Hamilton – a place where precious prudes are prohibiting a jolly good erotica expo

Here's a Hamilton who was not averse to a bit of rumpy-pumpy.

Dunno if it would have helped, but Alf gave some thought to inviting the organisers of the Erotica Expo to stage the event in his garage. He reckoned it would trigger a huge influx of visitors to Eketahuna and be great for the town’s economy.

Alas, Mrs Grumble was not too thrilled about the idea and made various threats about the withdrawal of certain services she provides. Alf backed down.

That leaves the expo with nowhere to go, after Hamilton city leaders banned it on moral grounds.

City councillors have vetoed an approach from the expo’s promoters to book the Claudelands Events Centre in March, despite the venue facing at least a $1 million loss.

“Koha” has been nabbed by an American outfit – but what role was played by Maori advisers in Wellington?

Alf is ready to go out to bat this morning for the small New Zealand library that is fighting to keep its trademark free software from the clutches of an American corporation.

Let there be no misunderstanding here: he has no problem with American corporations, except for their banks, which are a rum lot.

He does have a problem with American corporations that – as seems to be the case here – try to claim ownership of something developed by the Horowhenua Library Trust.

But he wonders how the hell our Ministry of Economic Development came to be involved in this shabby affair and the role of its Maori advisers (the ministry is bound to have some, because everybody has Maori advisers nowadays).

Let’s go back a bit.

The Worm turned for Phil Goff, maybe, but who wants help from a spineless parasite?

Alf was out on the hustings last night, hoping to convert any lefties or greenies in his audience to vote for him on Saturday and so (all going well) give him 100 per cent of the vote in Eketahuna North. Hence he was much too busy to pay any attention to the leaders’ debate on TV3.

He was surprised, therefore, to read this morning that Labour leader Phil Goff has had a boost in the final days of the campaign after being judged the winner by TV3’s “worm”.

As Stuff reports, the debate between Goff and The Boss came as National tries to point out the parlous future that lies in store if NZ First holds the balance of power.

Pita and partnership: it boils down to approving Nat policy if Maori get preferential treatment

A thought crossed Alf’s mind, while he was sipping on his favourite tipple in the Eketahuna Club.

Why not ensure white people are given the first option when it comes to buying shares in state companies?

People of a different colour can get the left-overs.

Hmm. Any problem with that?

Actually, there is – a glaring one. It’s racist.

And racism, as we all know, can never be countenanced.

So what are we to make of Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples’ thinking on asset sales?