Alf reluctantly concedes he might have over-imbibed in the stuff that got Zac Guildford into trouble.
No, let’s get this straight: he did not and never has turned up naked where he shouldn’t have, or otherwise engaged in offensive carry-on.
It’s his memory that’s the problem. It could be on the blink, like Guildford’s.
Mind you, The Boss seems to be having memory problems, too, when it comes to recalling what he said or didn’t say about oldies during his chat with John Banks.
In Alf’s case, the memory problem stems from something he thinks he heard from Radio NZ about some tossers in Auckland trying to stop or limit the city’s Santa Parade.
Stop the Santa Parade?
What mean-minded bastards would try to do that?
Greenies, perhaps, because these parades are apt to involve motor vehicles, and motor vehicles spew out emissions, and emissions are not good for the environment, and Santa moreover is hauled around the world by reindeer, and reindeer emit methane.
So Santa should be buying carbon credits.
But Alf can not confirm that the Greenies are the grinches, because his Google search – a hasty one, it should be noted – threw up nothing about a challenge to Santa.
Here’s hoping Alf misheard what he thought he heard.
He happened to be in Wellington the other day, when the old feller again was the star attraction at this year’s annual Santa Parade in the capital.
Wonder if Santa’s got a Gold Card and votes for New Zealand First?
Nah. He is old enough for a Gold Card, sure enough, but he looks too wise to vote for Winston.
Mind you, isn’t that a political statement he is making by kitting himself out in red? Alf would much prefer he switched to another colour, preferably blue.
Anyway, an estimated 60,000 children and adults lined the streets to catch a glimpse of him.
Alf admires the way Santa gets around the world at high speed without having to use Air NZ or any of the other airlines.
Street dancers, Christmas characters, giant Harrods teddies and real-life reindeer filled the streets of Knightsbridge today to kick off the festive season.
The extravaganza was put on to welcome Father Christmas to Harrods and celebrate A Christmas Crystal inspired by Swarovski at the luxury department store.
The parade kicked off at 8am before Father Christmas entered almost an hour later and thousands of children and parents descended to the streets to get a glimpse of their magical idol.
From there, he got to Wellington, and this weekend will be back in the northern hemisphere, because –
Santa’s helpers at Dobbies Garden World Southport are gearing up for the arrival of Father Christmas at 11.30am this Saturday (November 19).
Santa will arrive in style by horse drawn carriage and lead a parade incorporating Dobbies Little Seedlings Club, festive characters, live community music and performances.
Alf notes that none of those cities has the same problem that Auckland faces.
The Auckland Council is hoping to move Occupy Auckland protestors on from Aotea Square before the annual parade.
There’s concern the protestors will impinge on the family-themed Santa’s Party which is being held in the square after the parade, on November 27.
Deputy Mayor Penny Hulse says the Dunedin experience has shown the occupy issue is complex, but she’s hopeful negotiations will be progressed before then.
“Ideally Occupy Auckland people will have moved on before the Santa Parade but if they’re still there, we managed world cup in conjunction with Occupy Auckland and I’m sure we’ll manage the Santa Parade,” she says.
But the Occupy Auckland bunch may not be the only impediment.
Alf has not abandoned the notion that a loathesome grinch – maybe several – is determined to deprive the city of its annual fun.
He anxiously awaits written affirmation that he heard what he thinks he heard.