It’s been a waste of time, going to the NZ Herald site today – or any other NZ media site – for the latest news.
Having had no approach from officials about his willingness to accept a knighthood – or even a lesser gong, dammit – Alf knew bloody well there was nothing in the New Year Honours for him.
So the list was not worth reading, even to find out who had won the honours that persistently are being denied him.
To be honest, as Mrs Grumble would attest, Alf especially did not want to find out who had won those honours.
He shows a nasty vindictive streak on these occasions.
Not even Graham Henry can be considered more deserving.
That left Alf with bugger all else to read beyond a report of someone shooting a pet goat in Hawke’s Bay, the slaying of a Kiwi bloke in Vanuatu, the rat-shit weather and its effects on New Year celebration plans (reports here, here, here and here), and a load of bilge about New Year resolutions.
There’s some trivia about an upsurge in online dating.
Those facing New Year’s Eve without a kiss at the strike of midnight have turned to online dating in a bid to find that someone special to spend the night with.
The online dating website findsomeone.co.nz says the site has gone “nuts”, with a 30 per cent increase in message volume in the past week.
You’ve got to be a tosser, surely, to avail yourself of these services.
Or a sad-sack.
Talking about sad-sacks, one item did whet Alf’s appetite for more.
It was the news that a shipping container will be used as a makeshift cell by Northland police planning a blitz on New Year’s Eve troublemakers.
The district’s top officer, Superintendent Russell Le Prou, and Whangarei and Kaipara area commander Inspector Paul Dimery will be on duty with hundreds of emergency service workers.
Mr Dimery said his officers would patrol traditional hotspots, including beaches at Oakura, Whananaki, Ngunguru, Tutukaka, Matapouri, Whangarei Heads, Ruakaka and Waipu.
A shipping container converted into a no-frills lock-up will be ready for any who cross the line.
Alf had been musing with Mrs Grumble just the other day about life in a container after reading of sad-sack Chris Carter’s living arrangements in Kabul.
The Northland news item was too brief to give Alf any idea of what the New Year lock-up will provide by way of facilities.
A bucket in one corner for peeing, pooing and spewing, maybe, but not much else.
Actually, Alf fancies the idea of putting Chris Carter in there for starters, as its first New Year inmate.
Then the cops should let it be known that anyone arrested for unseemly New Year behaviour will be thrown into the lock-up with a somewhat sour gay leftie.
He imagines that will be a powerful deterrent to bad behaviour.
Carter could be sent back to his container in Kabul next day, satisfied in the knowledge he has served a worth-while purpose promoting law and order in New Zealand.