If they are wearing red they must be members of the Mongrel Mob – right?

Here’s hoping the cops soon catch the tosser(s) who stabbed and beat a young man to within an inch of his life in Napier – apparently for wearing a red top.

If they are not caught and locked away for a long time, anyone wearing red will be at risk.

The 24-year-old victim of the New Year’s Day attack was stabbed in the abdomen and suffered significant head trauma and broken ribs in the attack.

The inquiry is headed by Acting Detective Senior Sergeant Emmet Lynch, who said a member of the public who had been in the area during the 2am attack had come forward.

This witness said the group responsible had been using gang language linked to Black Power.

Mr Lynch said neither of the victims had any gang associations and had not provoked the offenders in any way.

One of the pair had however been wearing a red top – the colours of the rival Mongrel Mob gang – and it was believed that sparked the attack.

Alf draws attention to the horrendous implications, when (os should we say “if”) Black Power thugs beat the crap out of anyone they spot wearing red garments.

Little Red Riding Hood would have taken a thrashing, if she happened by while these tossers were looking for rivals in red raiment. Doubtless she would have been ravished for good measure.

Members of the Poyntzpass Silver Band, from a village in Northern Ireland, would be vulnerable to being duffed up. Black Power would probably mistake their instruments for weapons.

The Liverpool soccer team is susceptible to being mistaken for Mongrel Mobsters, too.

The same goes for Chelsea pensioners, from the Royal Hospital Chelsea, a retirement home and nursing home for former members of the British Army.

Come to think of it, the Chelsea Pensioners are a much more likely target for Black Power than the Liverpool soccer team, because they are much older and frailer, and Black Power bullies would be disinclined to try to beat up anyone who looked vaguely likely to hit back.

Much worse than the propositions set out so far, imagine the outcome if Black Power spotted Santa Claus with his sackful of goodies.

One elderly gentleman in red would be no match for a bunch of thugs, and the outcome would be dire for all the little children whose houses Santa had not yet visited. Their Christmas would be ruined.

To avert such a calamity, Alf would have the Black Power rounded up a few weeks before Christmas every year and banged up until Santa had finished his chores.

Actually, Alf would then be tempted to throw away the keys to cells where the Black Power members were banged up, which – oh dear, what a shame, never mind – would mean they could never be released.

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