You will be flying closer to Heaven henceforth if you travel in a Malaysia Airlines baby-free zone

Hats off to Malaysia Airlines.

They have become the first carrier in the world to create a brat-free zone on their aircraft.

It’s a marketing move that’s bound to win business from travellers whose fear of flying is not that the bloody plane will crash, but that they will be exposed during their journey to bawling, tantrums, shrieks and what-have-you from tiny tots who should have been left at home.

The Daily Mail reports it here.

Malaysia Airlines has decided to ban children from the top deck of its A380 planes, so that adults can travel in peace without ear-piercing screams.

The carrier’s modern double-decker aircraft will impose an age-limit on the whole upper floor, banning children under 12 years of age from being seated there.

The top deck holds around 70 economy class and 66 business class seats, while first class is situated on the lower deck.

But brats won’t be welcomed with the biggest spenders on the lower deck, either.

The airline has already confirmed that babies will not be welcome in its first class cabin.

Malaysia Airlines CEO Tengku Azmil confirmed on Twitter that the carrier received ‘many’ complaints from passengers who fork out for the expensive tickets, but then can’t sleep due to crying children.

The wonderful effect of putting kids in their place is that families travelling with children will only be able to sit in the economy section of the lower deck, leaving the front of the plane and the whole upper deck for adults and older children only.

This, of course, is jet-setters’ Heaven.

Trouble is you have to fly overseas (in a plane probably plagued by yowling brats) to take advantage of the wonderful new service.

Malaysia Airlines’ first A380 service will be between Kuala Lumpur and London, with a second route to Sydney set to launch in September.

The first class section on the airline’s 747s has also been altered so that it can no longer take travel cots.

The wonderful effect is to make it a baby-free section.

Inevitably, some people are howling about the decision being discriminatory.

But it has its champions, too.

Suzanne Rowan Kelleher, editor-in-chief of, told America’s Today Travel: ‘My guess is that many parents would opt for kid-free zones on planes when they’re traveling without their children.’

Certainly that would be the Grumbles’ choice.

Oh, and the Malaysian Airline decision has been made public just days after Canadian airline WestJet released a spoof video for April Fools’ Day advertising a ‘Kargo Kids’ service, which places children in the hold along with the luggage, to enable a peaceful flight for adults.

Dunno why this was seen as a spoof. It strikes Alf as eminently sensible.

He will be commending the idea to the attention of Air New Zealand bosses next time they meet.

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