Alf must confess to finding the Olympic Games a tad tiresome, although if drinking scotch could be turned into a sport and a gold medal was up for grabs – well, he might change his mind.
Don’t misunderstand: whenever a Kiwi wins a medal, preferably, gold, he will admire the accomplishment.
But all those billions spent on preparing for the games, and all the resources put into the obsession with security, and all the outrageously silly rules to protect sponsors by dictating what people may eat and say….
Nah. If the games were abolished, Alf would not lose any sleep.
To the contrary, he is inclined to actively call for an end to them.
First, the games are clearly inclined to incite profound daftness.
In evidence of this claim, let’s check out (here) the lunacy of a Londoner who – apparently in the grip of Olympic mania – had to be rescued by lifeguards in the south of France after setting off from a beach to swim to the U.S.
The unnamed 34 year old holidaymaker told his friends on the beach at Biarritz that he was off to New York to carry the Olympic spirit across the Atlantic.
Watched by lifeguards on the shore, he kept swimming until he was out of sight on his 3,594-mile journey.
The lifeguards called out a helicopter and a diver dropped into the sea and explained to the man that it was not a good idea to swim across the Atlantic and advised him to head back towards France.
He replied that he was a strong swimmer and felt up to it. At the same time lifeguards arrived in a rescue dinghy and threw the eccentric a line before towing him back to the beach.
Dunno what the Yanks would have done with the mad bugger, had he arrived on their shores without a passport.
But the more disturbing report (here) concerns a two-year-old boy who drowned after falling in a canal while his father watched the Olympics on TV.
Jehovah Pembele wandered off while playing with other children outside his home in Northampton.
He was found 100 yards away in the Grand Union Canal. Desperate attempts to revive him failed and he died in hospital the next day.
His father Fernando had left Jehovah, who was also known by the nickname Giovani, playing happily with friends while he watched the ladies Olympic football match between Great Britain and Cameroon.
The Daily Mail gives us an account of what happened from an unnamed neighbour.
This feller revealed:
‘Fernando wanted a drink from his home, so he came out of his neighbour’s and went back into his own home. At that point, Giovani was playing happily in the street on his bike.
Five minutes later, the father returned and discovered he was missing.
The neighbour added: ‘The bicycle was on the pavement, but there was no sign of Giovani.
‘He asked his neighbour if the boy had gone into the house and they looked everywhere inside, upstairs and downstairs.’
Neighbours joined in a search and police found the toddler in the canal.
Police are not treating the death as suspicious.
But the Olympic Games clearly played a role in what happened.
In this country, the authorities are called on to put up fences and invest vast sums of public money on doing all sorts of things to stop kids falling into rivers, down storm water drains, or even drowning in their bath tubs.
Consistent with those concerns to protect our little ones, Alf today is making a case in favour of removing all temptations and diversions from the watchful eyes of parents.
Ban the Olympic Games, he says.
Mind you, the dad in this case might have been just as tempted to watch the Match of the Day on telly, or the cricket or some such.
Hence the solution may simply be to ban all televising of sports.