Thanks for the cultural reprimand, Tuku – but now go and check out how long water has been here

Alf remembers Tuku Morgan as a bloke with a high regard for his nether regions, which he adorned in top-quality undies.

This is noted at Wikipedia (here), which reminds us that during Tuku’s term in Parliament he was involved in a number of controversies.

One scandal in 1997 revolved around his spending NZ$4000 of Aotearoa Television funds on clothes including a pair of $89 underpants.

Mrs Grumble admires a fellow who dresses well and while she questioned whether the public should have funded Tuku’s shopping for a wardrobe, she could not fault the splendid way he looked after being mockered up in $4000 worth of duds, although (she confided to her sister-in-law) she would rather have liked to see him in his undies.

As things turned out, his parliamentary career didn’t last all that long and he has finished up as an adviser or a courtier or whatever in the court of King Tuheitia.

Alf has a high regard for kings, including Maori ones, and thinks it is fitting that King Tuheitia is being served by a bloke who eschews jockeys or undies from the Warehouse and opts (it seems) for silk.

This means his aforementioned nether regions are being well coddled when he speaks on His Royal Highness’s behalf, and that none of the irritation he might manifest has anything to do with his nuts being packed uncomfortably into his undergarments.

We should take this into account when considering how to respond to his latest remarks. Or rather, to the latest remarks reported (here) by the NZ Herald.

Rhetoric around Maori water claims stepped up yesterday with leading Kingitanga spokesman Tuku Morgan calling Prime Minister John Key “culturally ignorant”.

It was his response to Mr Key having rejected as “plain wrong” King Tuheitia’s proclamation at a 1000-strong water hui last Thursday that Maori had “always owned the water”.

And a bit further down in the report –

Yesterday, on Marae Investigates, Mr Morgan was asked what he thought about Mr Key saying the King was wrong about Maori owning the water. He replied: “That once again says the Prime Minister is culturally ignorant, and that’s unfortunate.”

Maori like to play the cultural ignorance card, whenever we non-Maori – including all Morgans who have not been blessed with a dollop of Maori blood – say something they don’t much like.

But Tuku’s logic does not pass the history test.

Always is one helluva long time, and according to Wikipedia (here), a sizeable quantity of water would have been in the material which formed the Earth back in the beginning.

Another of Alf’s sources (here) says

All the water on Earth probably arrived here as water on comets and meteorites over millions and millions of years. It does not get created or destroyed, just recycled.

And for those who prefer the Biblical version (here) –

On the third day, God made dry land appear from the water under the heavens.

So cut the crap, Tuku.

Unless Maori were here before the world was created (which perhaps it was, in Maori mythology), they have not always owned the water.

We Grumbles gave Tuku good marks for sartorial splendour.

He has lost lots of them because of the bullshit that is apt to spatter the finery even of a Maori King’s courtiers.

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