Here’s one good reason for joining the EU – it would frustrate Labour and its wowser supporters

Can’t think of 10 good reasons for joining the European Union.

Or three good reasons, let’s face it.

But there’s one damned good reason, as you will learn from a Daily Mail report here.

Membership of the EU would stymie the efforts of wowsers and tossers – including Labour Party MPs – who support the introduction of a minimum alcohol price.

This especially includes Labour’s associate justice spokesperson, Lianne Dalziel who campaigned for a minimum price to be included in the Alcohol Law Reform Bill.

An astonishing number of Kiwis (see here) seem willing to forego the opportunity to buy bargain-price wine at their supermarket.

Look what they give you (strictly for medicinal purposes) if you finish up in hospital blind drunk

Dunno how long it would take to get from Eketahuna to New Plymouth in an ambulance.

But that’s the place to go for top-shelf medical treatment.

Alf has instructed Mrs Grumble to make sure he is put in the good care of the Taranaki doctors after reading (here) about a blind-drunk diabetic man who was given whisky by doctors to cure him of alcohol poisoning.

It’s the same the whole world over – lefties always find something to moan about, even wee problems

It doesn’t seem to matter much which country they come from, your typical Labour politician can’t help themselves from moaning.

In Britain today, the moaning comes from a former Cabinet minister.

He is grouching about urine pouring through the ceiling of his office in the House of Commons.

It would be nice to think a leftie would know how to take the piss.

Apparently not, as we learn here.

The Hobbit and handouts – would they really have gone to Scotland if we didn’t fill the trough?

Alf had agreed with The Boss about providing troughs for the snouts of movie moguls.

If we’ve got to pick winners, and then nourish the buggers with public funding, then let’s pick winners from a glamourous industry like movie-making.

The photo opportunities for The Boss and his team are apt to have much more appeal to voters when they are pictured with movie people than – for example – coal miners.

At least, that’s what Alf thought until he found the Grumbles weren’t on the invitation list for the premiere of The Hobbit.

He is now taking a more jaundiced view of things, and especially he is wondering why the Government doesn’t want to disclose information about their handouts and other help to The Hobbit makers.

The application of IT to consult your GP – an idea from the UK for lopping the health budget

So how can your doc use Skype to do this?

Another damned good lesson in cutting government spending could be learned from our colleagues in Britain, this time by paying heed to British Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

Alf normally would avoid having much to do with someone called Jeremy, except Clarkson. In this case he is willing to make another exception.

Jeremy Hunt is championing the idea of saving big bucks by getting rid of traditional doctor’s surgeries. Instead we would have our appointments conducted on iPads and Skype, and test results delivered by text message.

Sheilas and rugby governance: Fergie McCormick will find himself offside with red-blooded blokes

Dunno what sort of company Fergie McCormick is keeping nowadays.

Alf fondly remembers him as a rugged sort of bloke’s bloke as well as a splendid All Black full-back.

But the bugger has put himself in the news today by joining something called “a heavyweight group” that wants the New Zealand Rugby Union “to change its archaic male-dominated structure” and …

Alf choked on his bacon and eggs when he read it!

And put a woman on its board.

Treat yourself to tofu to improve your bedroom performance (if you can stomach the stuff)

It’s supposed to be great for your virility…

Alf became highly suspicious of Mrs Grumble in recent days.

She was behaving in a manner which seriously suggested she might have secretly become a member of the Green Party.

This would have been hugely shameful.

The suspicion was raised by Mrs Grumble suddenly serving tofu with every meal.

Tofu, so help us.

Tofu to a red-meat nosher is as offensive as serving pork chops would be to his good Jewish friends the Goldsteins.

When a missionary’s position becomes a matter of mystery, maybe we should avoid the Manawatu

Livingstone didn’t stay missing for ever.

The Grumbles will be changing their shopping habits henceforth and giving Palmerston North a miss.

Yeah, Alf and his missus know it’s a jungle out there.

But the Manawatu is not the sort of jungle in which missionaries go missing, surely.

How wrong can you be.

Stuff reports (here) the grim news –

Missionary missing in Palmerston North

Alf doesn’t doubt it can be a tough life, being a missionary.

So now we know why Parekura and Gerry are so jolly – it’s something to do with their genes

But on some days it’s hard to be jolly.

Dunno if David Cunliffe is feeling somewhat down, today.

But notwithstanding whatever went on at his caucus meeting yesterday, he is more likely to get depressed than – let’s say – Parekura Horomia.

Or Alf’s good mate, Gerry Brownlee.

This can be asserted with great confidence because – as you will learn here – fat people are apt to be happier than their skinny colleagues.

Father Christmas, of course, serves as a splendid example.

And here’s why…

Is there a doctor in the house? Someone may need one after Labour’s leadership vote

Dunno what’s going on in the Labour caucus room right now, but Alf has taken the liberty of alerting a doctor.

He has taken this precaution because there’s a fair chance someone will finish up losing their job.

Alf’s money is on this somebody not being David Shearer, the party’s leader.

His turn will come next year.

More likely today – if it happens to anyone – it will be David Cunliffe.

And if he loses his job as the party’s economic development spokesman…

Well, who knows?

But having a doctor handy could be useful.