Forget about Beckham’s batshit brain – just take a butcher’s at his bank balance

Hi, John … and how much are you earning?

Having never seen a dob of batshit, at least not so far as he is aware, Alf is none the wiser about the depth or dearth of David Beckham’s intelligence.

But he is aware that “batshit” is a measure of a bloke’s braininess employed by The Boss.

He might have said as thick as guano, which is the excrement of seabirds, cave dwelling bats, and seals.

He might further have pointed out (as your learn here) that –

Guano manure is an effective fertilizer due to its high levels of phosphorus and nitrogen and its relative lack of odor compared to other forms of organic fertilizer such as horse manure.

Dunno if it is better to be as thick as batshit, apeshit or pigshit.

Or as thick as guano.

But the report here says –

Prime Minister John Key has described soccer star David Beckham as being as thick as batshit, Radio New Zealand reported.

Exactly why the media should be fascinated by this observation is a bit a mystery.

Alf would rather we learned what The Boss has to say – for example – about Paula Bennett’s ministerial future in the light of the Deloitte’s report on the security breaches within her bailiwick.

But no.

The media wants to focus on trivia and celebrity.

And that Beckham feller is a celebrity, thick or otherwise.

And so we are told –

During a visit to a high school in Dunedin yesterday Mr Key joked with a group of pupils, saying his son spent 45 minutes with Beckham during the star’s visit.

Beckham came to New Zealand in December 2008 for an Oceania All Stars exhibition match which cost the Auckland region $1.8 million, just a month after John Key was first elected Prime Minister.

Only 16,000 fans attended the match.

Mr Key said Beckham was handsome and a really nice guy to spend that long with his son, but was also as thick as batshit.

But this wasn’t enough for the bloody Herald.

They wanted comment from the Beehive.

But they were disappointed.

The Prime Minister’s office said afterwards that it had no comment to make on the matter.

Dunno what the PM’s Office was expected to say.

The thing that interests Alf is that Beckham is estimated to have earned more than $300 million from football and endorsements.

This is significantly greater than Alf’s earnings.

More than The Boss pulls in, too.

If being as thick as batshit can do that for a feller, maybe it’s no bad thing.

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