Dunno if Labour’s Parekura Horomia or Alf’s chubby chum Gerry are bound for Britain any time soon.
But they are bound to get there some time, and if so they should make damned sure they are in good nick, when it comes to their health.
And they should stay south of Hadrian’s wall.
The reason: overweight patients have caused health and safety problems in Scotland. Or in a bit of Scotland.
Accordingly these fatties are being denied beds.
Yep. That’s right.
If you are too tubby, you don’t get a bed.
Actually, the weight threshold is dismaying low for a bloke of Alf’s proportions, but Parekura and Gerry Brownlee would clearly fail to pass muster.
The story is told here.
A hospital has sparked outrage after banning overweight patients from using beds on an emergency ward.
Those weighing over 15 stone are not permitted to use the beds at Dr Gray’s Hospital in Elgin, north east Scotland, after fire experts insisted the evacuation system was a danger for overweight patients.
Fair to say, local campaigners have denounced the restriction as ‘completely unacceptable’ and a denial of patient rights – but the hospital has insisted it must remain.
The ban has been imposed by Dr Gray’s Hospital in a place called Elgin, which – let’s face it – nobody has ever heard of, although perhaps the local Elgins have heard of it.
The reason for this extraordinary stricture is that fire experts have insisted the evacuation system is a danger for overweight patients
A lass named Margaret Watt is chairperson of the Scotland Patients’ Association.
She has been more than somewhat fired up about the issue.
‘I’ve never heard anything like this before and it is totally unacceptable.
‘The ban is actually against the patients’ human rights and civil liberties and they can quite easily launch legal action if it means their treatment is hampered.’
She further said:
‘I understand the fire brigade’s danger assessment, but I feel the hospital should have had a plan that catered for patients of all shapes and sizes before doing this work.
‘We’ve known for a long time that many people are overweight, that’s not happened overnight, so the hospital should be clever enough to cater for everyone in all areas.
‘I wouldn’t even say 15 stone is a particularly obese weight, and therefore I would worry for the safety of all patients, regardless of their size.
‘Surely a 15 stone person wouldn’t be a hazard? I’d like to hear how they came up with the weight ban.’
Fair to say, this is only a temporary measure.
Or rather, the hospital says it is a temporary measure.
But Alf has memories of six-o’clock pub closing being a temporary measure, too.
And he conjectures on what happens when you are taken to the hospital for treatment, as blood pours from a seriously wounded part of your anatomy.
And the doctor says yep, you sure do need treatment, but first you must hop on the scales.
And dammit, the scales show you weigh in at 15st 1oz.
Ah. You will be told you should have thought of that before you got injured.