Don’t say neigh to seahorse dishes – they may help eliminate premature ejaculation

Nobody that Alf knows of has ever dropped dead from eating horse meat (at least, not the meat from a horse that had not been doped with something chemical and nasty).

Hence he is bemused by British shoppers who are reported (here) to have abandoned hamburgers and steak and switched to vegetarian meals in the wake of the so-called horse meat scandal.

Asda chief executive Andy Clarke was said to be “speaking for the first time since it emerged the firm served up horse meat in own-brand products…”

Alf is thoroughly sceptical. He does not imagine for a moment that Andy Clarke has remained mute over the past week or so.

The Daily Mail doubtless meant to say this is the first time he has spoken publicly.

And this is what he had to say (which tells us heaps about the sensibilities of your basic Pom):

‘Consumers have switched to veggie meals.

‘Meat-free products have also seen a lift.

The Mail explains that Asda was dragged into the scandal last week when it found 4.8 per cent horsemeat in its fresh Chilled Beef Bolognese Sauce while four types of its frozen beefburgers were positive for traces of equine DNA.

It apparently has withdrawn another 35 own-label and big brand lines, including fresh sauces, burgers and even diced pork, as a precaution.

But let’s muse on the implications of the Poms becoming a nation of vegetarians as they shy off anything that might have horse in it.

Does this mean the sad bastards will steer clear of a dish such as Walnut Pork Soup with Dried Seahorse (the recipe can be found here).

That would mean they are missing out on that (according to its Chinese champions) –

Nourishes the kidneys and promotes virility, eliminates cold and aches in the lower abdomen and knees, relieves lack of energy, loss of libido, impotence and premature ejaculation.

And your Pommy sheilas will be missing out on the benefits of Sea Horse and Millet Congee

This dish is beneficial to women who experience difficulty in childbirth and suffer haemorrhage as a result. It helps to regulate menstruation and sedates the foetus.

Across the Atlantic, readers of the Globe and Mail in Canada were being given three facts (here) about horses:

1) They’re cute. 2) They’re edible. 3) You probably haven’t eaten any lately because of fact No. 1.

The article proceeded to caution that if horsemeat is something you’re interested in trying, you may want to do it soon.

Anti-horsemeat activists would like to put an end to it. Last October, activists descended on a Vancouver butcher shop, a Toronto restaurant and an Alberta abattoir demanding that the practice of killing horses and eating their meat be stopped. Since then, horsemeat has been disappearing from menus, and diners are becoming wary of this now-controversial meat. And a private member’s bill that would effectively shut down the slaughtering of horses for human consumption was tabled in Parliament in June.

Alf can only suppose that if these tossers won’t eat horse, they won’t eat any meat.

But does their aversion extend to horseradish?

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