Maurice’s modesty might keep him at home – so who knows a much more immodest MP?

Nah, we can't see Maurice doing this...but we can suggest a replacement.

Nah, we can’t see Maurice doing this…but we can suggest a replacement.

Alf tonight has done his mate Maurice Williamson a big favour.

He has written a nice letter to the producers of the Ellen DeGeneres show, who seem determined to do a programme with the focus on him.

But Maurice – being the modest fellow we know and love – is having none of it.

He wants the focus to be on New Zealand.

The Herald reported on Maurice’s problem today (here):

Three weeks have passed since the National MP was first offered a spot on the hugely popular US talkshow as a result of his now famous “big gay rainbow” speech in Parliament when a law allowing same-sex marriage was passed last month.

After confirming with the Prime Minister that he was free to be a guest on the gay American comedian’s chat show, Mr Williamson began organising his visit – but those plans have stalled.

Today, Mr Williamson said he and the show’s producers had so far failed to find a compromise about the subject of his appearance.

“I do not want to do the show if it’s only about me,” Mr Williamson said.

Nope. Modest Maurice says he wanted his appearance to focus on New Zealand.

But it seems this proposition has not been completely accepted by DeGeneres’ team.

He said he had spoken to DeGeneres’ producers in the last two days and while negotiations were “very pleasant and very amicable”, he had told them he would not make the appearance if it was only “about me”.

“I’m keen for it to be about New Zealand and being a tolerant society and try and portray that we voted for gay marriage and then went and had dinner, whereas in France they had riots in the streets and so on,” Mr Williamson said.

“But they are keen for it to be about me and want me featuring and dancing, and I kept saying I don’t want it to be about me.

“They said ‘We’re about people, not about countries’.”

Actually, Mrs Grumble is hugely excited by the prospect she might see Maurice dancing, because it seems she thinks he is not a bad-looking bloke and moreover he has a fun side that Alf is lacking.

But this dancing lark is precisely where Maurice is digging in the heels of his dancing pumps.

“We are close but I think my concern is that if I went on there and did some dancing or whatever, that will be the clip that plays to the domestic audience and everyone says ‘Who does he think he is?’.

“If I was to go on a show like that I know that if I did something weird or whacky, dance or whatever, it would be that clip that would be used [on the news] forever.

“That would be to no benefit for anybody, including myself.”

Alf was inspired by Maurice’s concern not to have people saying “who does he think he is?”

Yep. He knows a fellow who has no problem with the thought that anyone might ask that question.

He has sent the fellow’s name to the producers of the Ellen DeGeneres show.

He has explained that if they can get this fellow prancing around the studio, they will have someone they could promote as The Dancing Dickhead.

They could do this fellow a big favour, by the same token, by making him thoroughly recognisable in Hanmer next time he is down that way (if he is daft enough to go back).

Any guesses?

Watch the show, folks, and see if they accept Alf’s suggestion that we Nats can give them a bloke much much less modest than Maurice.


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