Learning how to raise funds from harlots – for a fee, business people could rub shoulders with the PM

Have just prepared a memo for the buggers who run the National Party, who are always looking for ways of raising funds.

The memo is aimed at bringing more dosh into the party coffers by doing what the Brits are doing.

Britain’s PM and other political leaders have learned a trick or two from harlots.

They know they have what business people want, and they are willing to make it available – at a price.

We are not talking about your basic rumpy-pumpy here.

Nope. No clothing need be removed.

All the business people want is access.

So – let ’em have it for an appropriate fee.

The same is true in this country.

Business people love rubbing shoulders with the PM.

Let’s give them the opportunity – and charge them for the privilege.

Alf’s memo – in short – urges we Nats to emulate the Conservative Party.

According to the Daily Mail here the Tories are offering businessmen access to David Cameron for £6,000 at the Conservative conference.

Dunno if the offer is open to businesswomen, too, and whether the price for them is higher. Or lower.

But the Daily Mail says:

A brochure for businessmen wanting to meet the PM has revealed that only 38 per cent of the attendees at the last Tory conference were party members.

Grassroots supporters are almost matched by lobbyists and other commercial passholders, who make up 36 per cent of the total.

The figures come – the Daily Mail says – amid growing concern in Tory ranks that party membership is in freefall.

More than 250,000 members voted in the leadership contest that saw Mr Cameron elected in 2005. But membership is now understood to be lower than 100,000.

Instead of wooing ordinary activists, however, Tory chiefs are seeking to coax more businessmen to Manchester next month by giving them the chance of access to the Prime Minister – even when he is in his bedroom.

For £2,100 a lobbyist can buy the rights to have their ‘message or promotional item placed in each bedroom’ in the main conference hotel, including that of Mr Cameron.

The Conservative prospectus for companies says this will let them ‘reach a selected, high-profile audience of senior Frontbench Spokespersons and Conservative VIPs’.

For £6,000 lobbyists can buy their way into seven ‘invite-only events’ at the conference, including a reception and a breakfast hosted by party chairmen Grant Shapps and Lord Feldman.

That private drinks party is usually attended by Mr Cameron, Chancellor George Osborne and other members of the Cabinet.

The £6,000 fee also buys an invitation to various regional receptions, an international bash and networking events involving party members.

The Tories are also offering firms the chance to fork out £18,000 to sponsor the media room at their conference.

The Tories, fair to say, aren’t alone in tapping the money-raising opportunities of party conferences.

The Lib Dems’ guide to commercial opportunities offers access to a ‘VIP lounge’ for £9,000 at its conference in Glasgow and for £5,000 a company can sponsor one of ten receptions.

The Lib Dem pamphlet reveals that fewer than half of the 7,000 people who attended their autumn conference last year were party members.

Labour has not released figures on the breakdown of its conference, which would reveal a high number of union officials, but –

Business visitors to Labour’s conference are charged £1,292 for a pass and then offered the chance to dine at the Hilton Hotel in Brighton after Mr Miliband’s conference speech.

So there you have it.

A nice little earner.

There’s always some tosser who will sniff their disdain for this sort of thing.

And sure enough, the Daily Mail found one.

Former MP and anti-sleaze campaigner Martin Bell said: ‘I accept that political parties have to offset the costs of their conference somehow. But this is quite simply cash for access and it stinks.’

But Alf can only smell the sweet smell of lots of dollars.

He also reckons that he might not be able to command the same sort of price as the PM. But he’s willing to let business people rub shoulders with him, too, at a price.

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