Alf had a nasty turn this morning. But don’t fret, constituents. He quickly bounced back.
His nasty turn was triggered by a headline on the NZ Herald website.
Kiwis have soft spot for greens – survey
Good grief. At first blush, this was much more upsetting than news that Oracle had won another America’s Cup race in San Francisco.
It was more upsetting, too, than the hysterical blathering from the America’s Cup commentator who kept crying “go you good thing” during the second race this morning. At one point he screamed about how we desperately needed this point.
How this sad bugger would handle things if the score was 8-8 (taking Oracle’s penalty points into the reckoning) is hard to imagine.
Apoplexy doesn’t seem strong enough.
But apoplexy is what Alf almost had this morning.
More accurately, he choked on his breakfast of black pudding, french fries, bacon and eggs – all nicely fried by Mrs Grumble.
It was she who alerted him to the headline, in a gentle bid to persuade him to modify his diet.
She inadvertently panicked him because when he spotted the headline he overlooked the lower-case “g” in “greens”.
The survey was aimed at gauging our food-eating habits.
It found that Kiwis have a soft spot for their vegetables and fruit.
Over a quarter of New Zealanders said the food they would find it hardest to live without would be fruit and veges in a survey that looked at what food, modern conveniences and people 1000 New Zealanders would find most difficult to give up over a five-day period.
It was commissioned by Unicef to raise awareness about the Live Below the Line Challenge, which raises money for participating charities.
Communications manager Karen Gray said the discovery of the country’s love for greens was very surprising. “It’s strange considering we are a nation that really seems to love its wine and coffee.”
Frankly, Alf reckons Unicef should be spending its money more prudently.
It should have paid for a truckload or two of tucker for the poverty-stricken.
But no, instead of spending the money on food, Unicef has opted to spend it on “inspiring ” people to fast for a few days to raise money to provide food for the poverty-stricken.
Ms Gray hoped the survey would inspire people to sign up for Live Below the Line to see what they personally could give up for five days.
This Live Below the Line nonsense is a five-day challenge where New Zealanders feed themselves for $2.25 a day. It is the New Zealand equivalent of the extreme poverty line and the challenge attempts to give a glimpse into the lives of those who live in such poverty every day.
For the record, The survey also found 23 per cent of respondents would find the internet the hardest modern convenience to give up for five days.
However, men (29 per cent) would find it more difficult to give up than women (18 per cent).
Sixty per cent of men identified their partner as the person they would find it hardest to be without whereas only 36 per cent of women said the same thing.
Mrs Grumble was nice enough to say she would find it hard to be without Alf, notwithstanding his dietary demands.