There’s something awfully queer about the maths when three politicians are viewed as a queue

It's not for  Alf...but pinkos will enjoy Sydney's Mardi Gras.

It’s not for Alf…but pinkos will enjoy Sydney’s Mardi Gras.

It looks like Stuff has dumped a load of bollocks on its hapless readers.

Its headline writer is telling us (and he, she or it must be struggling to keep a straight face) Politicians flock to Big Gay Out.

Stuff proceeds to say Auckland’s annual Big Gay Out plans to be more extravagant than usual –

and, being an election year, politicians are queuing up to attend.

Are they really?

Which of Alf’s true-blue colleagues have clamoured to join the queue?

They must be doing it furtively because only one is named…

Prime Minister John Key has always attended.

But hold on. It is highly unlikely he has to queue to get there.

Anyone else?

Nobody that Alf would share a beer with.

But let the record show:

Troubled Auckland Mayor Len Brown has said he will be along at the February 9 event to celebrate sexual health. Labour leader David Cunliffe will also attend.

Dunno about your maths, but the Grumbles have totted that lot up and got a grand tally of…

Yep. Three.

When did three become a queue?

For the record, let it be clearly stated that Alf will not be there.

He has better things to do than mingle with a mob of gays who will gather in their thousands.

Last year’s gathering at Coyle Park in Pt Chevalier attracted 13,000 people.

Nor is Alf tempted by organisers saying they will bring back a popular attraction, “the Big Ball Drop”.

A helicopter will fly over the park releasing hundreds of brightly coloured ping-pong balls over the crowd.

One ball will offer a trip for two to the Sydney Mardi Gras.

The Sydney Mardi Gras?

Good grief. That’s an even bigger gathering of gays.

It should also be noted:

Big Gay Out is part of the Auckland Pride Gala which opens on February 7 with a black-tie dress-up at Q Theatre hosted by broadcaster Alison Mau.

As well as a main stage, Coyle Park will have 120 market stalls offering everything from food and retail to information and support.

A demand for food is understandable.

But not the demand for information and support.

Information and support with regard to what, exactly?

Not about how to cope with being a minority (when it comes to sexual proclivities).

There’s nothing to be shy or embarrassed about nowadays.

To the contrary, the way things are going it will soon be compulsory for all of us to join their ranks and make them the majority.

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