One way to avoid being offended by the spectacle of a naked bloke is to pull the curtains

He wasn’t quite naked, because he had a balaclava over his head.

We may suppose he had greater cause to feel modest about whatever was above his neck than below it.

Thus partially clad, he proceeded to perform an indecent act while he stood at his study window where his neighbour could see him, according to a bemusing report at Stuff.

The feller in question was one Martin Burley, 36, who has been convicted in the Christchurch District Court of committing an indecent act with intent to insult.

Yes, something needs lifting in our liquor laws – but it’s the drinking age, not the price of booze

One mob is hollering for the drinking age to be raised. Another is hollering for the price of booze to be raised. Alf unabashedly supports the age lifters.

As he posted a few years ago, when musing on our liquor legislation, he was chuffed to find scientists have discovered a possible reason for hoonish behaviour – it’s that people don’t become true adults until they’re 24.

That suggests the drinking age should be raised to 24. Alf would not be fussed if it went higher.

A new study comes into the picture today.

Ha ! The republicans have been poll-axed by Kiwis charmed by the royals

Gotta say it has been mighty cheering to read that the royal visit “appears to have rekindled interest in the British monarchy”, with almost three quarters of respondents in a Waikato Times poll in favour of retaining the Queen as head of state.

The results have been rubbished by some tosser described as a leading republican, who says Will and Kate’s celebrity status should not be confused with genuine interest in constitutional change.

But a bloody republican would say that, wouldn’t he? Or she?

Alf never doubted it for a moment, but for the record:

Sorry folks, but this is an occasion when we Nats have gone out to discourage slavery

Alf is inclined to resurrect Don Brash’s Orewa speech – the one that occasioned lots of angry people to call him racist when he railed against race-based privilege and championed the principle of one law for all.

The speech and the principle he invoked seemed applicable to a bit of brouhaha over the law governing the use of foreign fishing boats and the way their crews are treated.

Some Maori reckon their fishing operations should be exempt from this law, which means they would like to be able to maintain practices described as slavery at sea.

But there are some other Maori – those in trade unions, for example – who seem to think that permitting slavery is a bad idea.

This creates a dilemma for your long-serving member who is acutely sensitive when it comes to issues which affect our indigenous people. Which lot of Maori should he listen to?

What’s that cry from New Plymouth? It’s a lament for the further dismantling of our democracy

It’s a struggle for the champions of democracy to stem the rising tide of co-governance arrangements that make a sham of electing our councillors and (before long, you can be sure) members of Parliament.

They have cause to feel like that Canute feller trying to hold back the incoming tide.

Trouble is, being a champion of democracy can’t be squared with the modern-day need to recognise that our indigenous people are special people.

Democrats expose themselves to the charge they are racist and reactionary if they resist proposals to appoint our special people directly to positions of power and influence in our governance arrangements.

They certainly have been chided by a New Plymouth city councillor for having the gall to resist giving local iwi members a very special place – and very special privileges – in the city’s decision-making system.

Prayer and poofters – protests against Baptist offer of help disappoints a Paihia pastor

There’s nothing stretches Alf’s liberalism and tolerance as much as intolerance.

But intolerance, sadly, is on the march.

A recent example is the outburst of indignation triggered by a Northland church’s organisation of a seminar offering to help people overcome their “same-sex attraction issues”.

This has sparked a furore on social media and in the gay community, according to the NZ Herald.

A runanga is not consulting with residents? But when did Maori have to do any consulting?

Aggrieved residents could try moving to this Hamilton…

The good citizens of Hamilton (the one in the Waikato) are learning the hard way what happens when sovereignty is ceded to their indigenous neighbours.

The indigenous neighbours are rejoicing in their sovereignty and flexing their muscle.

As a consequence the Pakeha element of the neighbourhood perhaps has become subservient to the indigenous element.

This explains why (as you will learn here) some residents of Hamilton are whinging about not being consulted.

They don’t understand the conventions that are being established in tune with our Treaty arrangements and the partnership it created.

Under these arrangements governments and local authorities are expected to consult with iwi and other bodies representing our indigenous Treaty partners.

There is no obligation for our indigenous Treaty partners to do any consulting.

If the royals had turned up at the right time, of course, we would have fed them on moa

“And what do you wear, sir, when you are not welcoming members of the Royal Family?”

It seems the British media were duped into reporting that Prince William and his missus would be feasting on protected wood pigeon and that “topless female Maori dancers” had been told to cover up for the royal tour.

According to one report (here), the hoaxer is a former Waikato University student, a bloke who represented himself to the British press as a Maori expert.

The name of this tosser special citizen from Down Under is Tredegar Hall, a recipient of a prestigious Maori scholarship at the university in 2010.

He is reported as saying topless female performers were ordered to cover up for the big occasion so they would not embarrass the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Male dancers would also break with “ancient traditions”.

Headline writer needs to remember what happens when the law of gravity is applied to a van

The Stuff headline writer stuffed things up scientifically in saying: Wellington driver’s 40m plunge a ‘miracle’

The first para of the report beneath the headline (with the luxury of having more words to play with) said:

Police say the survival of a van driver who plunged off a 40 metre cliff only to land in the middle of a busy Wellington intersection without harming anyone else a miracle.

Alf is inclined to quibble with this, because he has his own ideas of what constitutes a miracle.

Forget about “Baby Face” Nelson – a fresh claim can be made to the baby-face hoodlum title

Betcha we would not be allowed our bottles if we found ourselves in the dock.

We could learn a lot from the Pakistanis about how to deal with young thugs.

In this country we have separate justice processes for under 17-year-olds. There’s a child offending process for 10- to 13-year-olds and the youth justice process for 14- to 16-year-olds.

Pakistan does not share our namby-pamby approach. Right now – according to a report in the Daily Mail – one Muhammad Mosa Khan has appeared in court accused of planning a murder, threatening police and interfering in state affairs.

He was charged along with other members of his family.

And this little toughie is…

Wait for it…

Nine months old.