Brits will throw the book at you (but not The Good Book, presumably) if you bully people by praying

June 30, 2014
Get caught doing this in Britain and guess what? You are a bully.

Get caught doing this in Britain and guess what? You might be branded a bully.

Steer well clear of Britain, if you happen to be a Christian.

Doing some of the things that good Christians are supposed to do could land you in big trouble.

Praying to The Almnighty, for example.

Or inviting people to a church event.

Alf draws attention to the monstrous case of Victoria Wasteney, an occupational therapist, who has been condemned for inviting another woman – who happened to be a Muslim, but that should be neither here nor there – to a sports day at her church.

A disciplinary hearing has found her guilty of a further count of misconduct. Yep. The hapless Miss Wasteney offended by lending the colleague a book about a Muslim woman who converts to Christianity.

Now she is being denied basic liberties that the British Government has gone to war to uphold.

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The next man in as world cricket boss is chosen (and it’s not his bowling action that is suspect)

June 30, 2014
"But will I be bowled when that report comes out in September?"

“But will I be bowled when that report comes out in September?”

Alf missed the news last week that the International Cricket Council is to have a new boss soon.

He is none other than Narayanaswami Srinivasan, an Indian gentleman with pots of money.

There’s just one problem. Or rather, there’s at least one problem.

He is not currently acting as chairman of the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) while an investigation is being conducted into allegations of match-fixing related to the Chennai Super Kings, the team owned by Srinivasan’s company, India Cements.

His son-in-law, Gurunath Meiyappan, has been arrested and charged with illegally providing information to bookmakers.

And as a Guardian writer reminds us, Srinivasan was so obstructive to the course of justice that the supreme court of India demanded he step down from the BCCI.

“It is nauseating that Srinivasan continued as BCCI chief,” said Justice AK Patnaik. “He should go if cricket is to be cleaned.”

 

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We mustn’t shun all wankers – not the ones who could pull together for the export push

June 29, 2014
 Only one in 20 applicants will pass the screening process.

Only one in 20 applicants will pass the screening process.

Alf will be having a chat with Steven Joyce – our splendid Minister of Economic Development – with a very innovative idea he conceived while reading The Telegraph.

He will be proposing New Zealand encourages developing an industry of professional wankers.

Steven is likely to point out that New Zealand already has professional wankers, and there are far too many of the buggers, mainly to be found infesting the Labour and Green Parties, the NZ Party, the Internet Mana Party, some newspapers…

He then is likely to demand:

“So what the fuck are you on about, Alf?”

Or words to that effect.

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All Means All – and a hunger strike in jail should mean the pest is allowed to slowly waste away

June 28, 2014

2009-05-04-Prison-Food

And why – can someone explain – has All Means All been sent to hospital?

This irksome fellow with a very silly name has been banged up in Christchurch Men’s Prison and should be kept there.

But according to this report at Stuff, the plonker has been rushed to hospital again “as he continues his four-week hunger strike”.

All is serving a four-month sentence for repeatedly threatening to kill Prime Minister John Key in a series of letters.

The prison authorities should have left him in his cell to keep on doing what he wants to do, which is starve himself.

 

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Nobody had been stampeding to settle in Invercargill – but did you know shifting there might kill you?

June 27, 2014
No, not Siberia ... it's Invercargill's Eastern  Cemetery where Stewart Islanders prematurely finish up.

No, not Siberia … it’s Invercargill’s Eastern Cemetery where Stewart Islanders prematurely finish up.

The Grumbles have never contemplated retiring to anywhere but good old Eketahuna.

If they were to move, it would be to somewhere more agreeable than Invercargill, which finished up at the bottom of a very long list the Grumbles prepared last night (it included Baghdad, Damascus and Aleppo).

Their aversion to heading for Inverargill has been fortified by a dismaying revelation about what happens to people who do move there, presumably because of desperation.

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It was a big mistake – and a sin – to steal the chapel collection, but whose money is it?

June 26, 2014

195138-o

Alf is feeling a great deal of sympathy for the hospital chaplain who has been stabbed by some low-life plonker in Taranaki.

He is also absorbing the profound theological implications of what happened – along with the semantic lessons.

You could argue the chaplain contributed to the mischief done to him by trying to hold on to some money.

The ownership of this money could be in dispute. Was it the chaplain’s or was it God’s, and if it was God’s, might God have given it to an impoverished down-and-outer?

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Oh joy – it seems Clark Gargle could be cheaper than we thought (if there is any demand for it at all)

June 25, 2014

Alf feels obliged – in the name of fair play – to record that businessman Donghua Liu has issued a new statement to the Herald about his contributions to the Labour Party.

Whether this means the record has been put straight can not be guaranteed, because a story that can be changed once can readily be changed again.

But for now, it is reasonable to say Liu might not have been as generous to the Lefties as it seemed a few days ago.

This will bring some relief to Lefties and a great deal of satisfaction to Alf, who could not imagine a shrewd businessman wanting to give the proverbial brass razoo to the Lefties.

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