A nice speech from Tariana but she didn’t make much of the papa bit of her whakapapa

July 24, 2014
The Greens make their presence felt in the Waiatament.

The Greens make their presence felt in the Waiatament.

Tariana Turia – lovely lady, don’t get Alf wrong – seems to have overlooked half of her whakapapa in her valedictory speech this evening.

We heard something about the Whanganui river and the mountains and umbilical chords and all that spiritual  stuff that tells us Tariana has a different world view from Alf’s.

We got to hear about other bits of her heritage. But only the Maori bit.

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John Colman gets his right of reply

July 24, 2014

One John Colman has demanded the right of reply to something Alf posted  so long ago he had forgotten it. He imagines his constituents in Eketahuna North had forgotten it too.

The original item dealt with this Colman feller’s contretemps with the Brethren Church and our legal system and with some of the more robust language he could pull from his colourful vocabulary.

Alf is happy to give Colman his right of reply, but not exactly the way Colman expressed it. He has excised some of the naughty words (exercising his editorial prerogative) and one or two bits of Colman’s story that might land him or Alf in further trouble with the law.

He further points out that Colman won’t win Alf’s sympathy by describing him and Mrs Grumble as dickheads.

But as the constituents of Eketahuna North would tell him, Alf is a fair-minded fellow and willing to allow him his right of reply.

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Wall and the Warriors of Change go on the warpath – don’t laugh, folks – over a newspaper cartoon

July 22, 2014


People who were pissed off with cartoons published in The Press and the Marlborough Express last year did what we are all entitled to do and expressed their objections at the time.

They exercised something wonderful called their freedom of speech (as did the enterprising Toyota dealer who devised the advertisement shown here).

Soon there was a debate raging. Were the cartoons racially offensive – or were they not?

And then we were all huffed and puffed out. It was all over. Or should have been.

Alas, some sad bastards get their knickers in a serious twist and want to see heads roll if they have taken offence or otherwise been affronted. Read the rest of this entry »

Beware of used car salesmen who won’t let you examine that Honda in the clear light of day

July 21, 2014


Alf can understand the disappointment of the solo mum with two young special-needs sons who bought a dunger and now regrets it.

He can’t understand her claim to have been duped.

Nobody forced her to buy the bloody car and she had every opportunity to walk out on the deal when the vendor (according to her story, anyway) denied her a chance to take a good look at what she would be buying.

Let’s repeat that.

He denied her a chance to take a good look at what she would be buying.

Did this not sound a very loud alarm bell?

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The Labour Party caucus looks likely to remind Cunliffe that ski poles aren’t the ones that matter

July 20, 2014


Alf has observed with huge delight the latest issue to divide the benighted Labour Party.

It’s whether David Cunliffe should have taken a holiday.

Cunliffe was in Queenstown last week for a skiing holiday with his family

The Sunday Star-Times today reports that the decision to take a break – or was it the decision to take a too-brief holiday in Queenstown? – has been questioned by Labour MPs according to a party source.

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Up and Adam – Trouble is, Winston Peters is only thinking about charging into East Coast Bays

July 19, 2014
If Winston Peters was in charge of the charge, we would still be waiting for his orders...

If Winston Peters was in charge of the charge, we would still be waiting for his orders…

Adam Bennett is a political reporter for the New Zealand Herald

Can’t say he is any good at it because he has never interviewed Alf or reported his speeches.

But he would make a much worse defence or war correspondent.

Alf makes this judgement today on the strength of the very daft first paragraph to a story about someone who has been in Parliament almost as long as Alf.

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Richard Prosser might think he’s talking tough – but he’s a pussy cat for rejecting the castle doctrine

July 18, 2014
And then we'll string the bugger up from the nearest tree.

And then we’ll string the bugger up from the nearest tree.

Some namby-pamby hack at the NZ Herald today credits NZ First with having “a hardline law and order policy” that would offer greater protection to homeowners, farmers and shop keepers who shoot to kill intruders during home invasions or burglaries.

Part of the policy is a 40-year mandatory non-parole sentence for premeditated murder.

Alf’s idea of hard line would be to string the buggers up from the nearest tree, skipping the trial thing if need be.

NZ First also wants the Crimes Act amended to give certainty over the use of “reasonable force” for self-defence.

On this one, Alf would dispense with any need to demonstrate reasonable force had been used.

Next time he bumps into Richard Prosser around the precincts of Parliament, these matters should provide the stuff for a lively argument.


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