Alf and his mates have been chuckling at news of a Dunedin couple’s wedding plans and the hostile reaction from gays.
Travis McIntosh and Matt McCormick, a couple of Dunedin blokes, will marry tomorrow.
These nuptials are just what gay groups should be welcoming, you might think. Out with the champagne – pink, of course – to celebrate.
After all, they campaigned bloody hard to have our law changed to enable same-sex marriages (which required them to overcome the staunch resistance of true-blue conservatives like Alf).
They complained their human rights were being breached under the old law, which required married couples to be biologically equipped to engage in matrimonial howz-yer-father and produce offspring.
The gays came along and said this discriminated against couples of the same sex who will never produce offspring no matter how often they engage in matrimonial howz-yer-father. Not together, anyway.
So the law was changed to give these people the right to marry, too.
Now the two guys in Dunedin are taking advantage of this law to become man and wife – or something like that.
The important thing is that they are guys, not gays.
Yep. Good old-fashioned heterosexual blokes.
AT least, that’s what the NZ Herald is reporting:
The pair are heterosexual best mates.
Engineering student Mr McIntosh, 23, and teacher Mr McCormick, 24, will tie the knot to win a The Edge radio station competition and a trip to the 2015 Rugby World Cup in England.
Mr McCormick said from Auckland yesterday opposition to the wedding was understandable but the pair never intended to offend anyone.
“We are not here to insult anyone. We are here to do our own thing and travel our own path.” Mr McIntosh said the wedding was not mocking the institution of marriage.
“It’s just seeing how far two good mates would go to win a trip to the Rugby World Cup.”
“We picked up our wedding certificate and the nerves are starting to really hit home.”
They will marry in front of 60 family and friends at Eden Park, Auckland.
They were undecided – at time of writing – if they would take hyphenated surnames and who would walk down the aisle.
So what”s the bloody problem?
Simple. Gay rights groups condemn some unions.
Otago University Students’ Association Queer Support co-ordinator Neill Ballantyne, of Dunedin, said the wedding was an”insult” because marriage equality was a “hard fought” battle for gay people.
Oh. Marriage equality is for gay people, not the rest of us.
But isn’t that discriminatory?
LegaliseLove Aotearoa Wellington co-chairman Joseph Habgood said the competition attacked the legitimacy of same-sex marriages.
“The point of this competition is that men marrying each other is still something they think is worth having a laugh at …
“Maybe on the day that statistics around mental health for LGBTI (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Intersex) people are better, when high schools are safe places for LGBTI youth, we can look back on all this and laugh.
“But competitions like this don’t bring that day any closer.”
As it happens, Alf can’t wait to laugh.
He is doing it now.