Olly and his willy – excision was a bloody silly way to respond when girlfriend said he did not measure up

Alf has forgotten when he first learned it is imprudent to chop off your nose to spite your face. It has always struck him as being very good advice.

The expression is used to describe a needlessly self-destructive over-reaction to 271647-pantsa problem – it’s a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one’s anger

A bit of research by dipping into Wikipedia shows the phrase may be associated with the numerous legends of pious women disfiguring themselves in order to protect their virginity.

Wikipedia gives the example of Æbbe the Younger, the Mother Superior of the monastery of Coldingham. In 867 AD, Viking pirates from Zealand and Uppsala landed in Scotland.

When news of the raid reached Saint Ebba, she gathered her nuns together and urged them to disfigure themselves, so that they might be unappealing to the Vikings. In this way, they hoped to protect their chastity. She demonstrated this by cutting off her nose and upper lip, and the nuns proceeded to do the same. The Viking raiders were so disgusted that they burned the entire building to the ground.

Viking raiders would never have done what the bloke who features in this Daily Mirror report has done…

A Macedonian man chopped off his willy and threw it in the bin after he was dumped by his girlfriend for his lack of bedroom skills.

The man told medics he felt his small-sized penis was to blame for the split.

And, he said, as it was useless he decided to cut it off.

The bloke is named as Oliver Ilic, 22.

He called medics after he could not stop the bleeding and was taken on a stretcher in bloodstained jeans to hospital in the eastern town of Kocani.

Police searched his house and discovered the severed organ in a bin after it had been cut off with a single swipe from a razor blade.

The bloody penis was delivered to the local hospital but a surgeon skilled enough to carry out the reattachment couldn’t be found.

Ilic was then transferred to the hospital in the capital Skopje, where surgeons managed to reattach the penis in a complicated five-hour surgery.

They said it was still too early to know if the operation would be a success and whether the man’s organ would ever function properly again.

This was the second recent example of a Macedonian man cutting off his willy. Another bloke did the same a short while ago but he had thrown it into the toilet and flushed it away.

Alf supposes that Olly’s wee willy will not have been enlarged by the experience of chopping it off and having it reattached, regardless of whether it is still in working order.

Olly should not despair, however, but should take heart from the possibility that penis transplants might become available during his lifetime.

Scientists have grown penile tissue in the laboratory, but a penis needs a complicated nervous system to work during sexual arousal and intercourse.

It’s a long way off, but researchers in Chicago have shown that tissue made from collagen, which is connective tissue, could help promote growth of nerves in the new penis, making it more likely to function.

Oh, and lest any of Alf’s male constituents suffer from anxiety about whether their penis is big enough and if their sexual partners are going to be satisfied, Mrs Grumble suggests they check out the information here. 

The truth about male genital length and girth might have become obscured by the free and widespread availability of internet pornography.

Perhaps it is no surprise that researchers say men have heightened anxieties about their manhoods. And another aggressive industry pushes dubious promises of a bigger penis through enlargers and extenders.

Unfounded worries about inadequacy are not helped by the fact that a man’s own view of his penis automatically makes it look smaller to him than to someone else. This is simply because looking down at the penis from above makes it appear smaller, compared with how it looks straight on, or from the side.

Seeing one’s own penis from this unreliable point of view, and comparing it with other men’s appendages from a different view, may reinforce false ideas of penis size.

The post proceeds to set out some key points about the average penis size and provides more detail and supporting information in the main article).

  • While 85% of women were satisfied with the size and proportion of their partner’s penis in a study, men were less sure of themselves
  • 45% of men in the study believed they had a small penis.
  • Across studies it has been concluded that flaccid lengths range around 7 to 10 centimeters (2.8-3.9 inches).
  • Flaccid circumferences range around 9 to 10 centimeters (3.5 to 3.9 inches).
  • Erect lengths range around 12 to 16 centimeters (4.7 to 6.3 inches).
  • Erect circumference (only one previous study) was around 12 centimeters (4.7 inches).

Now to find a tape measure.

 

 

 

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