The big lesson is to stay safe by taking refuge in the boozer and avoiding motorised bar stools

Trouble is, a Kiwi has to fly to get there...

Trouble is, a Kiwi has to fly to get there…

The NZ Herald has come up with a depressing dossier of personal tragedies this morning – typical, alas, of the way newspapers fill their columns during the holiday season.

Some were fatalities in the water.

Water tragedies: Victims named – Police have named three people who have died in water-related accidents so far this holiday season.

Trouble is, if you don’t drown at our beaches, lakes, rivers or waterways, you could be poisoned.  The Auckland Council is reported to be putting final touches to a beach forecast model to let people find out online the level of harmful bacteria.

Getting into the air can be fraught, too, because aircraft sometimes come back to earth in unforeseen circumstances.

Small plane crashes into water in Northland – A small plane has crashed into a tidal estuary at Whananaki North, 25km northeast of Whangarei.

There are good reasons for staying off the roads, too.

Bus rolls down bank near Levin – This tells of seat belts saving 15 German tourists from serious harm when their bus rolled down a bank north of Wellington.

Woman dies after Southland campervan crash – A woman who was critically injured in a collision between a car and a campervan in Southland on Boxing Day has died.

Passenger electrocuted after crash – A passenger who got out of a car after it hit a power pole in Canterbury was electrocuted by fallen power lines…

 * One dead in milk truck crash – A man died and three others were critically injured in the Bay of Plenty when a car and a milk truck collided near Paengaroa.

Some headlines steer us to health-related deaths, such as Manurewa man died from medical event – police, and not all accidents are fatal.

Motorcyclist injured in Canterbury crash – A biker is injured following a crash between a car and a motorbike in Canterbury. The crash took place…

But some crazed Kiwis are inviting fatalities – they seem heel-bent on killing innocents person’s if not their own.

 * Driver clocked at 240kmh – A driver has been clocked at 240 km/h on the Waikato Expressway.

And then there are the lunatics who have the great good fortune to put themselves in the hands of the police before they can do any mischief to innocent people.
Motorist drives through stop sign, hits police car – A young Auckland man is facing charges after he allegedly drove through a stop sign and hit a police car, causing a pile-up that wrote off three vehicles in Gisborne.

Ahead of New Year’s Eve, Alf has made his New Year resolution, which is to stay out of harm’s way – as much as possible – by taking refuge in Bellamy’s while on parliamentary duty or in one of Eketahuna’s pubs or the Eketahuna Club when he is at home.

Yes, he was momentarily dismayed on reading a headline that said

Bar stool crash man back home.

But there are lessons to be learned from this news item. One of them is to sit on bar stools without motors. Alf can do that, no problem.

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