Angry Hamilton residents should pause and muse on a way of channelling a young fellow’s flair for wild driving and anti-social behaviour.
An opportunity to put this flair to good use has opened up – or looks like being opened up – at the BBC in Britain.
The way Alf understands it, the young Hamilton Lake man would fill the bill.
He is facing charges after a night of alleged neighbourhood hooning that left residents wild at his actions, including one who chased him down.
The man’s behaviour was described as “beyond dangerous” as he allegedly drove around the streets of Hibiscus Ave and Lake Domain doing burnouts and endangering pedestrians, say witnesses.
One resident was so angered he chased the alleged driver to gain a number plate, but ended up being almost rammed by the man.
“There is dangerous driving and then there is reckless driving, and then there is this,” said Andrew McColl, who lives at Hamilton Lake.
McColl is described as a classic car builder and claims he was at home about 8.30pm Sunday when he heard the sound of screeching tyres.
“Then there was a smash, I came running out and the guy had stopped outside the give way sign and was checking his car to make sure there was no damage.”
Fed up, McColl jumped in his Holden and followed the driver, who lost control and hit a curb at Lake Domain.
“There was smoke billowing out the back, he kept over correcting himself, driving on the wrong side. He almost hit some pedestrians and at that stage he was doing 60 to 80kmh.”
The driver then turned his lights off and allegedly attempted to ram McColl.
“Instead he hit a pole, I watched him jump the curb onto Innes Common and drive around among the Gypsy Fair down there.”
McColl gave up the chase, we are told, and headed home but as he rounded a corner he narrowly avoided a head-on with the same driver.
“I thought surely this is the end, he had another go at ramming me. It is a quiet neighbourhood and then there are people trying to cause trouble. His actions are beyond reckless. It wasn’t about the atmosphere, and it wasn’t about the car, maybe its the rush of it, pushing yourself to the limit.”
The joy ride ended when police arrested the 23-year-old.
Police said a man was charged with sustained loss of traction and driving with excess breath alcohol.
Alf is bound to say he did not know about a sustained loss of traction being illegal.
He wonders if this charge could be laid on those occasions when he finds it difficult to gain traction as he teeters home from the Eketahuna Club.
He is also bound to say he thoroughly disapproves of young bucks hooning around in cars.
But on this occasion he observes that Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended by the BBC because of what has been described as a fracas with a producer.
The show will not be broadcast in Britain on Sunday.
The corporation said the show host had been suspended pending an investigation but was giving no further details.
“No one else has been suspended. Top Gear will not be broadcast this Sunday,” it said.
Clarkson, of course, is a 54-year-old hoon, but Alf has a sneaking admiration for Clarkson’s hoonery, and especially his disdain for authority and for tossers who are steeped in PC disapproval of laddish behaviour.
Alf recalls that Clarkson was given what he called his “final warning” last May after claims he used a racist word while filming the popular motoring show.
It was the “N” word.
At the time, he said the BBC had told him he would be sacked if he made “one more offensive remark, anywhere, at any time”.
There is no suggestion he used an offensive word on this more recent occasion but his days may be numbered.
Clarkson’s representatives were yet to reply to requests for a comment and the presenter himself has remained silent.
Last month, though, he tweeted a post saying a “new presenter for Top Gear” was wanted.
“Applicant should be old, badly dressed and pedantic but capable of getting to work on time,” his message went on.
That may rule out the young hoon from Hamilton.
But Alf is prepared to chip in a few bucks to have him shipped off to London regardless.