Alf is not normally inclined to discuss domestic matters on this blog.
But he was seriously upset this morning by an unkind remark from the missus.
She had been perusing the Daily Mail where she learned all about the discovery of a new species of monkey.
The discovery was made after scientists learned to distinguish the monkey by the appearance of its penis.
The white-cheeked macaque was discovered in the remote highland forests of south-east Tibet after researchers set up camera traps.
The monkey has a distinctive rounded penis rather than the arrow shaped genitalia found on other species in the area.
Officially named Macaca leucogenys, it earned its common name due to the pale whiskers on its chin and the side of its face.
The newspaper quotes a feller by name of Dr Pengfei Fan, one of the researchers who discovered the new species and a biologist at Dali University, Yunnan, in China.
He said the new macaque had long been misidentified as another species and because of the remoteness of the location in Medog County of Tibet, few biologists had been there.
There’s more stuff on the Daily Mail website about this creature and how it was identified on the strength of its distinctive dick.
Alas, Mrs Grumble was in an impish mood and suggested maybe Alf is a member of another species because …
Well, because she reckoned his dick is distinctive from the dicks of other blokes.
This remark triggered in Alf a deep concern about how she could possibly know such a thing.
But she was just teasing, she assured him.
Trust me, she said while professing to have no clue about how Alf’s naughty bits might be similar to or different from other blokes’ naughty bits.
Suspicions linger, however.
Alf might have to resort to something he has hitherto eschewed and start peering at members’ members when they are lined up in the Parliamentary urinals.
At the same time he will check out the Daily Mail news that human males have one of the largest penises in the primate kingdom because, frankly, he reckons he has been short-changed in this department.
An evolutionary biologist has compared the sizes of genitals of humans to gorillas and apes to look at why there is such a discrepancy between the species.
He concluded the human penis may have grown so long to make it more conspicuous to potential partners, or even as a way of cooling the body down.
The relative size of the male reproductive organs across these species was discussed by evolutionary biologist Darren Curnoe in a video series for the University of New South Wales, Australia.
From this we learn that gorillas have small penises and small testicles, while chimps have medium-sized penises and large testicles, which Alf imagines is a matter of huge fascination to all his constituents.
Human males, by comparison, have the longest penis and medium-sized testicles.
‘Amazingly the size of the reproductive organs, especially the testicles, are a reflection of how the apes are organised socially,’ explained Professor Curnoe.
‘Why the difference? Well for the testicles it’s pretty straight forward.
‘It all comes down to the amount of competition the chimps, and their sperm, have when they mate with females.’
But he said there wasn’t a discernible reason why there is so much variation in penis size between humans and great apes.
Alf will not be losing any sleep in wondering about something that is a mystery to the experts.
He may well lose sleep as he ponders whether Mrs Grumble is more familiar with male genitalia than the decent wife of a hard-working Natiolnal member should be.,