Little maybe lost his head on the royal birth – and an unforgiving Alf would ensure he didn’t get it back

Alf is dismayed that he has not been contacted by the news media to ascertain his reaction to the birth of another Royal.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s second child was born in the early hours of Saturday morning (UK time) and weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces (3.7 kilograms).

Probably the media hacks are sitting on their bums waiting for press statements.

There won’t be one – at least, not from Alf.

But he takes great pleasure in observing that other leaders have sent their congratulations.

News of a healthy baby girl has been met with prompt congratulations from countless officials, including Prime Minister John Key and the Governor General.

“The Governor-General, Lt Gen The Rt Hon Sir Jerry Mateparae has expressed his delight at the news of the birth of a daughter to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

“This will be a time of great joy for Her Majesty and the Royal family. Along with New Zealanders, Janine and I welcome the news of the arrival of a daughter to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and sister for Prince George. We wish parents and daughter and all grandparents well.”

On the other hand, Alf wishes we had a law on our books to enable the authorities to arrest Andrew Little for high treason.

Perhaps we do have such a law. Mrs Grumble has been asked to check it out.

With a bit of luck the penalty is hanging, drawing and quartering, which is long overdue for a revival.

But a good old-fashioned beheading wouldn’t go amiss.

Little’s offence?

His unseemly pitch for the republican vote.

Take a butchers at these ill-considered remarks: 

The leader of the Labour Party isn’t “fan-girling” the birth of the latest addition to the royal family, saying he wants New Zealand to ditch the monarchy and become an independent state.

Speaking to Q+A this morning, Andrew Little says although New Zealanders should respect the birth of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s daughter he believes New Zealand should be a sovereign state.

“Let’s enjoy it for what it is, but I think our head of state should be a New Zealander,” Mr Little said.

“When it comes to our constitutional arrangements in New Zealand I have a firm view that our head of state should come from New Zealand.”

Little – we are reminded – recently visited the UK to meet with UK Labour leader Ed Miliband and French economist Thomas Piketty. He missed the royal birth by a day.

“I had a week in London and the air was thick with anticipation, but I wasn’t there to fan girl the royal arrival.”

These expressions of republican sentiments are highly offensive to the Grumbles.

Alf and his missus have been clutching their Union Jacks and sucking up every bit of TV footage on the subject we can find.

The new princess  is fourth in line to the throne, and the fifth great-grandchild of the Queen.

Alf is something of a conservative in these matters and is askance at the reordering of things to give sheilas a better crack at becoming our monarch.

He preferred the law as it was on the matter of succession, so that the first son became King even if the first-born turned out to be female.

But he is delighted this country has sent woollen items, as well as a teddy bear for the new princess along with Kiwis’ warm wishes.

The Grumbles have sent a buzzy bee and 5kg of pineapple lumps.

The princess won’t appreciate these things immediately – but they grow up so fast, don’t they?

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