To keep ponytail temptation out of John Key’s grasp, this Scottish MP should stay out of his way

He could come here while John Key is overseas, so long as he brings some local scotch.

He could come here while John Key is overseas, so long as he brings some local scotch.

Alf would strongly recommend to one of the newly elected Scottish MPs that he steer clear of our Prime Minister.

The gentleman in question is one of the 56 jubilant MPs from the Scottish National party who arrived in Westminster on Monday, led by Nicola Sturgeon.

According to this report in the Financial Times,

Spirits were high as the party’s MPs jostled for position in the Westminster sunshine outside the Commons for a group photograph, watched by cheering SNP supporters, one of whom waved a giant Saltire.

While some of the new MPs confessed they did not know how to find their way round the building, Mr Salmond, the former leader and an MP until 2010, greeted old friends and talked to journalists in the corridors.

Mr Salmond joked about what jobs he might do in the new parliament, suggesting he could become head of the intelligence committee, or even the Commons speaker.

It’s a bit of a pity that Labour couldn’t win any seats but we’ll just have to move on to Plan B, as they say.

The mob of stroppy Scots included Mhairi Black, the 20-year-old lass with a seriously mis-spelled first name who beat Douglas Alexander, the former Labour MP, in Paisley.

Despite being the youngest MP since 1667, she cut a confident figure as she told reporters she would “of course” finish her studies. The politics student is due to take her final exams at Glasgow university this year.

And then there’s Chris Law, aged 45, described as a Dundee businessman who employs a small team in the financial sector.

According to pre-election publicity:

He was a leading Yes campaigner during the referendum and founder of the Spirit of Independence road tour of communities in a refurbished fire engine, which attracted national and international interest.

He lives in the constituency and has lived in Dundee for more than 30 years.

Dundee West is a key target seat. Chris Law said: “It is an honour and a privilege to have been selected to carry the SNP banner in Dundee West, which is a key target seat and I will work hard and take the campaign to every door in the constituency.

“I’m determined to be a strong voice for the people of Dundee West at Westminster.”

But none of that is the reason why he should steer clear of The Boss.


The reason why a meeting is best avoided is because of The Boss’s inclination to tug at ponytails.

According to a Stuff report earlier this month:

The prime minister has admitted he misread the situation when he pulled a waitress’ ponytail over a period of months, but denies it was a sexist act, saying he “could have” done it to a man.

He described the hair-pulling as just “horsing around” (an apt description of ponytail-tugging behaviour) because he had a “fun relationship” with staff at Rosie cafe near his home in Parnell, Auckland.

He denied the ponytail-pulling was sexist.

Asked if he would have done it to a man, he responded: “I could have.”

“Well there’s a bit of context here, and the context was a very good-natured environment we were in and it was very much a sort of thing in jest, so I guess technically it would have been possible,” Key said on Radio New Zealand’s Morning Report.

The Prime Minister said “I don’t think so, from memory, no,” when asked if he pulled the hair of other people he met.Key admitted he had “misread” the situation.

But Alf believes temptation should be taken out of his way.

And according to the Financial Times

…Chris Law, sporting a tartan tie and tweed suit, became the first male MP to sport a ponytail in living memory.

On the other hand, Alf is tempted to suggest he could come here while The Boss is overseas.

He should bring a bit of local hooch with him.

Alf is aware of a drop of Scotch produced by Angus Dundee Distillers, a company boasting over 60 years experience in distilling, bottling and exporting Scotch Whisky products and other spirits to over 70 countries around the world.

Normally he would avoid the company of a bloke with a ponytail, regarding such a hairdo on people of the non-female gender as a sign of a leaning to gayness.

Moreover, he would avoid the company of a leftie who wants to wrench Scotland away from the United Kingdom.

But he would happily make an exception if the bloke who failed to pass muster on those points was an aficionado of good Scotch and brought a few samples with him.

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