Todd needs to learn that some people will always disagree with him – and saying sorry is silly

April 11, 2015

Gotta have a word with one of our young-buck MPs, next time we are back in Parliament.

Clutha-Southland’s Todd Barclay has just done something that suggests he must have been eating much too much southern swede and his judgement has been impaired by this diet of stuff that’s best left for cows and sheep to tuck into.

This Barclay plonker has a Facebook page, which is something Alf has eschewed, and on this page he has made a remark about Campbell Live.

As a consequence he seems to have quickly learned something that is well understood by people who are not raised on a diet of swede.

He has learned that if you say something, a lot of people will agree with you and a lot of people will disagree.

And if a lot of people don’t agree with you, then that’s just too bad. They are probably lefties or greenies who will never vote for you, so you should forget all about them and what they said.

And if you must tell them something, well, tell them to go and get fucked.

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Fox News talks with an error expert – he says Birmingham is a no-go city for non-Muslims

January 12, 2015
More Muslims being shipped in by barge, presumably...

More Muslims being shipped in by barge, presumably…

Gotta say the Grumbles thoroughly enjoy Fox News and its unabashed lean to the right. That’s the way Radio NZ should lean and Alf can well understand why the Government hasn’t increased their budget for the past few years.

But Alf is not blind to Fox’s cavalier disregard for facts.

He was not surprised,, therefore, when a so-called ‘terrorism expert’ popped up to say everyone in Birmingham is a Muslim and non-Muslims “simply don’t go” into Britain’s second largest city.

Yep. It’s bollocks. But a bit of bollocks is more than compensated for by the blatant lean in favour of Alf’s world view politically.

On this occasion, fair to say, the terrorism expert turned out to be more an errorism expert.

His flair for talking pure bollocks, naturally, came to the attention of a mocking British press.

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Forget about that freedom of speech stuff – Fox (Derek) thinks French editor got his just deserts

January 9, 2015
A fit punishment for bigots, in Derek Fox's justice system.

A fit punishment for bigots, in Derek Fox’s justice system.

Alf makes no secret of his belief we should bring back the hangman (or hangwoman in these enlightened times) to rid the planet of some more heinous criminals.

He is all for corporal punishment in schools, to discipline brats who need a good walloping, and he was right behind Crusher when it came to dealing with boy racers.

But the death sentence for cartoonists and satirists…

No-one – surely – believes making people laugh should be a capital offence.

Alf certainly doesn’t.

But he has found someone who does.

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A bit of carnage in the newsrooms wouldn’t go astray, if it rids us of beat-ups and hyperbole

November 9, 2014
Attention hacks and headline writers - this is what carnage looks like.

Attention hacks and headline writers – this is what carnage looks like.

It’s time the pest exterminators were moved in to rid us of the hyperbolic beat-up bozos who infest the nation’s newsrooms.

The beat-up brigade’s simple mission is to take an accident and turn it into a catastrophe simply┬áby amplifying the language.

Their malevolent misuse of the English language results in politicians lashing out at their critics, rather than responding to them.

Likewise a few unfortunate deaths are converted into “carnage”.

A few deaths do not amount to carnage, of course.

The definitions Alf dug up here show it means:

Massive slaughter, as in war; a massacre.

Extensive slaughter, esp of human beings in battle

The slaughter of a great number of people.

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Comparing Crusher with Diana is rather like comparing a grizzly bear with a pussy cat

September 8, 2014
And the resemblance to Crusher is ... what, exactly?

And the resemblance to Crusher is … what, exactly?

If Alf was Judith Collins, he wouldn’t be thanking his older sister for likening the embattled MP to Princess Diana.

Not today, at least, because today readers of British newspapers are learning some discomforting things about the mother to our future king (all going well and assuming).

Hamilton’s Pamela Cassidy is the big sister with a big mouth.

According to the Waikato Times,
she says both Crusher and Diana were both “hounded” by media.

Cassidy, who grew up on the family farm near Morrinsville with Collins, called the Waikato Times to express her anger at how her sister has been treated by her political opponents and the media – going as far as saying Collins was being tormented in the same manner as Princess Diana, shortly before her death.

“I have had people tell me: ‘What the media have done to your sister was exactly the same as what they did to Princess Diana’. I thought about that and it is completely true. It is exactly like that. They are hounding her.

“She is human and the family have to wear it too. People have feelings – or they should have.”

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What the bleep has happened to the Dotcom video? Order to remove it robs Nats of a vote-winner

August 16, 2014
But his party's video could only have strengthened John Key's hand.

But his party’s video could only have strengthened John Key’s hand.

The Alf Grumble re-election campaign team will be having a strategy session tonight.

They will be examining the ramifications of an unseemly intervention in the election campaign by a prissy mob called the Advertising Standards Authority.

This bunch have given the thumbs down to the Youtube advertisement and ordered it be removed.

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Jamie Whyte must learn (we are told) that the media feast on a good quote but scrap the context

August 5, 2014

A bloke called Dave Armstrong, who seems to fancy himself as a newspaper columnist for the Dom-Post, has done a splendid job of bringing the attention of we politicians to the shortcomings of the news media.

Especially its inclination to seize on a spicy quote then remove the context.

Armstrong has added his voice to the chorus of anguished Kiwis who deplore anything that hints of racism, especially if it happens to involve special arrangements for our indigenous persons.

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This Kiwi sheila is faster than a speeding bullet … but could a lump of kryptonite slow her down?

May 26, 2014

A Dom-Post report on a shooting spree in California gives an account from a woman from Hawke’s Bay.

The front-page story says she ran for her life during the spree that left six people dead in her neighbourhood in Isla Vista, Santa Barbara.

The headline atop this report says –

Kiwi flees madman’s bullets

Bullets are fast.

According to Yahoo answers the speed of a bullet depends on the calibre, the amount and type of powder, and the bullet weight.

Most rifle calibers travel at supersonic speeds. The “crack” you hear is a mini sonic boom. Most handgun calibers travel much slower than that. Average speed for a 9mm handgun round is about 1100 feet per second. Some large caliber rifle rounds travel at speeds up to and beyond 4000 feet per second.

To flee a bullet, accordingly, the Kiwi woman must be able to run really fast.

Our athletics officials should take note.

Her name is Amelia Lyons.

What we are not told is the distance she ran while fleeing the bullets.


Onward Christian soldiers – onward but downward into the schedule of the bloody Concert programme

March 30, 2014
Amen to all this from Radio New Zealand National.

Amen to all this from Radio New Zealand National.

Radio NZ can count on Alf raising a fuss at the next National caucus meeting about a serious misuse of the public money we dish out to the state-owned broadcaster.

He will be doing this having been dismayed this morning to find his Sunday morning session of hymn singing no longer is being broadcast – not from the National station, anyway.

Some tosser has decided hymns are more appropriate fare for Concert programme listeners than for National programme listeners.

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How often has the media put “multiple” in its headlines? Many times, folks, many times…

July 26, 2013

Dunno about other readers, but Alf is apt to get a bit scratchy at the media’s use of “multiple”.

An example popped up at the Herald website this afternoon.

The report says (here):

Multiple people were believed to have been involved in a Papakura stabbing which left a man in a critical condition this morning.

The headline writer would have been delighted the headline was self-evident.

Multiple people involved in morning stabbing

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