Harpie hounding of Sir Tim Hunt is an ominous sign of what happens when hens rule the roost

June 20, 2015

Oh dear. Alf has a career dilemma to sort out.

For some time he has been obsequiously deferential to The Boss, in the hope he will be rewarded with a Cabinet job.

He will continue to do so until The Boss steps down.

But it’s in anticipation of this stepping down that Alf has a problem.

He recognises that when The Boss moves on, someone else will be our leader and Alf will have a new arse to lick to start currying favour with a new leader.

Mrs Grumble is urging him to start now and not wait till the leadership change has been made.

But deciding with whom favour(s) should be curried is the challenge.

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It’s a sad day when things get hot for a party leader for being questioned in a sauna

June 19, 2015
Couldn't this have  been filmed by the Fox bunch?

Couldn’t this have been filmed by the Fox bunch?

Sir John Kirwan – gone as coach of the Blues and Alf did nicely, thank you, on some punts with his mates.


Alf is tempted to put some money on Colin Craig being a goner fairly soon.

Mind you, he has not been given any inside tips on this matter.

He is reliant on the news media and is bound to say this means he is listening to journalists,and journalists are at the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to public trust.

For what it’s worth, therefore, consider this:

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To keep ponytail temptation out of John Key’s grasp, this Scottish MP should stay out of his way

May 14, 2015
He could come here while John Key is overseas, so long as he brings some local scotch.

He could come here while John Key is overseas, so long as he brings some local scotch.

Alf would strongly recommend to one of the newly elected Scottish MPs that he steer clear of our Prime Minister.

The gentleman in question is one of the 56 jubilant MPs from the Scottish National party who arrived in Westminster on Monday, led by Nicola Sturgeon.

According to this report in the Financial Times,

Spirits were high as the party’s MPs jostled for position in the Westminster sunshine outside the Commons for a group photograph, watched by cheering SNP supporters, one of whom waved a giant Saltire.

While some of the new MPs confessed they did not know how to find their way round the building, Mr Salmond, the former leader and an MP until 2010, greeted old friends and talked to journalists in the corridors.

Mr Salmond joked about what jobs he might do in the new parliament, suggesting he could become head of the intelligence committee, or even the Commons speaker.

It’s a bit of a pity that Labour couldn’t win any seats but we’ll just have to move on to Plan B, as they say.

A sectoral challenge: keeping Church out of British politics calls for Charlotte to be gagged

May 10, 2015

Mrs Grumble has been charged with preparing a letter to the royals.

We are asking if it’s too late to change the new baby’s name.

We loved the idea of one day being able to wave at Princess Charlotte.

But not any more, not on learning of the latest antics of one Charlotte Church.

The name “Charlotte” has been seriously tainted by her political capers.

Charlotte Church is a bolshie bint who has been described by the Independent as a former opera singer and by the Mail Online as a former pop star.

She sounds more like a strident  pinko.

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If a National MP wants to avoid abuse maybe it’s better to live far away from greenies

May 8, 2015

The occasional tossers – probably lefties and greenies – makes derogatory and always-unjustified comments about Alf on this blog.

Now and again tart remarks are made about him in the Parliamentary debating chamber (and much more obviously lefties and greenies are his verbal assailants).

But that’s to be expected. We are politicking in the chamber on those occasions and only now and again do differences spill over into a bit of physical argy-bargy.

But Alf has not experienced the threats and abuse that apparently have troubled other MPs out in the community

No doubt that’s because of his avuncular charm.

Perhaps if other MPs were similarly charming they would avoid some of the difficulties they and their families experience.

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Pony tails and a bit of horse play – but that was a nay from the waitress, Boss, not a neigh

April 22, 2015

Alf has put his prime ministerial ambitions on hold today.

He had always expected that on becoming the country’s leader he could do lots of things –  dissemble, fib, forget the details of meetings, chat regularly with Whale Oil, appoint  mates to good jobs in the state services, play golf with Obama and so on.

He also thought that with the diplomatic protection squad blokes on hand to protect him, he might be able to pull the pony tails of pretty young sheilas in cafes, confident the the protection squad would step in and protect him should the sheilas retaliate and try to kick him in the nuts, which is what Mrs Grumble said she would do if she had a pony tail and a bloke pulled it.

Alf thought the pulling of pony tails very appropriately could be explained away as horse play.

And if anyone was crass enough to demand explanations, well, a bit of eloquently expressed horse shit should ensure against too much fuss.

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No, Alf didn’t meet the tree-hugger – and let the record show no other Nats met him, either

April 5, 2015

No, Alf was not one of the MPs from across the House who are the subject of a media statement from one Michael Tavares.

This Tavares bloke is the tree-hugger who spent four days up a kauri in Titirangi last month.

Just before we hard-working Parliamentarians took off from the capital for our Easter break, he was bragging about a successful lobbying visit to the capital in this press statement.

The headline proclaims the nature of his success:

MPs pledge to meet threatened trees

Not all MPs. Just a few.

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Green co-leadership aspirants don’t mention that maybe they are the country’s biggest problem

March 15, 2015

If you wanted a good chuckle yesterday – as Alf did, after some serious campaigning in Northland – it could be found on TV3’s “The Nationa”.

Green Party co-leader candidates Kevin Hague, Gareth Hughes, James Shaw and Vernon Tava lined up to discuss their eligibility to replace Russel Norman.

The humour perhaps was not intended from this earnest bunch of muesil-munchers.

They provided it all the same.

They also demonstrated an inability to identify the biggest problem facing the country right now.

Here’s how they responded when asked that question:

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That’s what we want from the PM – a clear warning that a vote for Peters is a vote against wider bridges

March 14, 2015

You’ve got to wonder why we bother hiring these high-flying press advisers, campaign strategists and what-have you.

The Boss has done the right thing on the Northland by-election campaign trail thanks to advice – freely given – by the Member for Eketahuna North.

The advice was to tell it like it is.

Our promises to build bloody bridges in a far-flung part of the country and give the locals broadband are blatant bribes.

Vote for some other plonker and we don’t pay up.

Because Alf is a firm believer in the vote-winning possibilities of bribes – or pork barrelling, if you are squeamish – he was delighted to hear the bridge-building plan announced when it looked like Winston Peters was in with a chance.

But he was dismayed when he heard:

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The only MPs pay reform we need is to introduce zero-hour contracts (but only for lefties and greens)

March 10, 2015

Good grief.

For a second successive day the Member for Eketahuna North has been seriously pissed off by the Taxpayers Union.

This time the irritant is a bloke by name of Ben Craven, who is described as a spokesman.

Niggler, more like it.

He accuses we politicians of trying to pull the wool over New Zealand taxpayers in relation to MP pay reform.

How so?

He is claiming that if the proposed policy changes had been in place since National came into office, which is 2008, MPs’ pay rises would have averaged 3.1% rather than the 1.7% that occurred.

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