On yer bike? No, that’s to be hostile to motorists – it’s better to go walking instead

June 18, 2015
Here's a good reason for sticking to the motor car.

Here’s a good reason for sticking to the motor car.

Alf thinks the merits of the motor car are easily demonstrated.

First, greenies  are fond of bicycling and disparaging of vehicles that emit greenhouse gases without explaining the miracle by which cyclists don’t emit such gases.

Second, he has seen Trevor Mallard on a bike and it is not a pretty sight.

Accordingly Alf has no urge to sympathise with  Alex Mann, the bloke whose champions say made a legitimate choice when he decided to travel by bicycle on the day a police officer fined him for impeding traffic.

As one of his defenders has argued: 

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Praise be, The Basin has been spared the contamination from a titanic turd

June 11, 2015
The NZTA feared the turd might soon be spread around this...

The NZTA feared the turd might soon be spread around this…

There's an opening for him at NZTA.

There’s an opening for him at NZTA.

Alf can only imagine – with a profound sense of wonderment – the size of a turd that delayed the opening of a road tunnel in the capital city this morning.

This leads in turn to conjecture about the size of the bloke who deposited the turd and the nature of his dietary demands.

Alas, the proportions of the turd are not specifically stated in this report at Stuff.

Indeed, it might have been more splatter than solid matter.

Whatever, its volume must have been gargantuan if the time taken to clean up serves as a guide.

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If Aucklanders woke up, they would encourage the bridging of their harbour by wharf bosses

April 1, 2015

Alf has watched with profound fascination while Aucklanders have been raging against some wharf extensions.

Today he learns Auckland Council has responded by formally asking Ports of Auckland to halt construction of the extensions.

Mayor Len Brown told a council meeting the council chief executive, Stephen Town, has written a letter to Auckland Council Investments Ltd, the council body overseeing the port company.

The letter requests that this body encourage the port company to hold off the wharf extensions until a port study had been completed.

The study is expected to take about 12 months.

But this hasn’t mollifed some councillors.

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Zero tolerance might be a nice little earner for the Govt but we must ask if it is much of a life-saver

January 5, 2015
And let's get rid of these bloody trees while we're at it...

And let’s get rid of these bloody trees while we’re at it…

A few weeks before Christmas the cops were warning that anyone exceeding the speed limit this summer could expect to be pulled over, regardless of whether there was a 4kmh speed tolerance.

According to this report at Stuff at the time, the warning came as police moved towards zero tolerance of speeding after a successful campaign last summer when fatalities dropped 22 per cent.

“Anything over the limit is speeding and anyone speeding can expect to be pulled over,” police assistant commissioner, road policing, Dave Cliff said

The reasoning looked sound enough and the revenue stream is to be welcomed by your fiscally responsible government:

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If it has to be pedalled, it is better to ban it, but if cyclists must ride on roads they should be numbered

October 9, 2014
These and all their pedal-powered successors should have been banned when the motor car was invented.

All pedal-powered contraptions should have been banned when the motor car was invented.

Alf today salutes a Pommy cop with a great idea.

Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner Katy Bourne is pressing for cyclists to receive the same penalties for going through traffic lights as drivers.

Furthermore, she says number plates on bikes would ‘make life easier’ for the cops. It would enable them to be more readily prosecuted when they break the law.

Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner Katy Bourne said cyclists should have the same identification as drivers so they can be penalised in the same way if they go through traffic lights.

Mrs Bourne, who argued a few individuals ‘ruin it for the many’, said equal punishment for drivers and cyclists would ‘make life easier’.

Speaking at a public meeting, she said: ‘I would like to see cyclists wear some form of identification like cars have.

‘This way when they go through traffic lights, you can actually identify them and then you can prosecute them for breaking the law.’

Inevitably, the Brits can come up with at least one tosser to say this is a bad idea.

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Herald tells of a drunken Air NZ crew unfit to fly – but the story is based on unnamed sources

August 2, 2014

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Readers of the Weekend Herald website would have been dismayed on learning:

Air NZ Crew too drunk for flight

But the story beneath the headline suggests the headline is bollocks.

There is no mention of the crew being “drunk”.

They had been drinking.

But even if aviators just sniff a bit of booze they are considered unfit to fly for several hours afterwards.

As Alf understand it, pilots legally must not drink less than eight hours before flying.

Many employers impose a more stringent limit of 12 hours.

Aviation industry people talk about 12 hours from bottle to throttle.

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A wee problem on the train: embarrassed passenger solved it by peeing into a plastic bag

April 3, 2014

Gerard Depardieu...not as coy as the passenger from Upper Hutt.

Gerard Depardieu…not as coy as the passenger from Upper Hutt.


Being of an age where his bladder is not what it was, Alf has some sympathy for the Upper Hutt woman who opted to pee into a plastic bag in front of passengers on a broken-down Wellington train.

He also understands why she would not want to be identified.

But he does wonder what Tranz Metrol is supposed to do when a fallen power line causes an electrical fault, forcing the train to a standstill for nearly two hours.

Here’s how Stuff tells it:

Passengers were told they could not leave the train while it was being repaired, as a live electrical cable was resting on the carriage.

So what were the train staff supposed to do?

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