When all the kids are dressed the same, a sneaky kiss behind the dunnies will be perilous

May 29, 2015
Let's just call it "The Bog".

Let’s just call it “The Bog”.

Alf does not not know if it is a reliable expectation or a vain hope.

He hopes it’s the former.

It’s the Family First NZ assertion that most schools along with the parents in the school community will rightly reject the extreme elements of the new sexuality education guidelines.

Family First also says resources should be targeted at parents to help them educate their own children (presumably on the birds and bees stuff).

The statement was prompted by news that schools have been asked to consider offering gender-neutral uniforms as part of new sexuality education guidelines aimed at being more inclusive.

Dunno what this “inclusive” carry-on is all about.

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In September Jamie Whyte was going to Parliament, Act brayed … and then he was poll-axed

October 3, 2014

So Jamie Whyte has thrown in the towel. For now, anyway.

He has resigned asĀ  leader of the Act Party after failing to secure a seat in last month’s election.

According to this report in the Herald:

“Today I announce that I have tendered, and the board has accepted, my resignation as Leader of Act New Zealand,” Mr Whyte said in a statement.

“Clearly I make this announcement with regret, however the election result is clear, and I must now turn to my career and my family.

“I stood to lead Act because I believe in the party’s ideas. I will continue to advance these ideas both inside and outside the Party. I do not rule out returning to a substantial role with Act in the future.”

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Winston Peters disapproves of inexperience – but only when he is not calling the shots

September 29, 2014
 The perpetual state of crisis with Winston was too much for her...

The perpetual state of crisis with Winston was too much for her…

Alf’s personal best interests are under serious threat, as The Boss dishes out plum jobs to the one-seat-only parties that will form part of the new administrtion.

He hankers for a ministerial job and feels entitled to one.

But The Boss reckons the party’s best interests call for him to deliver a few baubles to the one-man bands.

Alf – as you would expect from a loyal Nat – is saying nothing about his disquiet.

But he isn’t going to stay silent when bloody Winston Peters shoots off his mouth. Again.

Peters will still be sulking about not being the king-maker, Alf imagines.

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Is Rodney Hide aiming to become the namby-pamby headmaster of a school where no kid is a loser?

June 8, 2014
Look at the scoreboard...both sides have won.

Look at the scoreboard…neither side has lost.

Had Mrs Grumble got her reading glasses on, Alf inquired when she read the headline on Rodney Hide’s column in the Herald on Sunday this morning.

Surely she had misread it.

Nope. The headline sure enough said:

Rodney Hide: They’re all winners, more or less

So the headline writer had failed to sum up the essence of the column?

Nope again.

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Don Nicolson’s race against Bill English: he is standing but won’t be busting a gut to beat him

July 18, 2011

Dunno why you would enter a race if you don’t intend to run flat out to win.

But Don Nicolson – it would seem – is doing just that.

The former Federated Farmers president was confirmed as an Act Party candidate a week ago.

Nicolson will stand against Finance Minister Bill English in the Clutha Southland electorate.

He will be the party’s farming spokesman.

The Dom-Post reported at the time the candidacy was announced:

“I’m very pleased to be standing for the party,” he said.

Standing, it should be noted. But not necessarily running, at least not to win the seat.

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Don Brash is not too old to lead ACT – but is he daft enough to want to quit a great political party?

April 24, 2011

So how will he look in a yellow jacket?

It’s not often that Alf gets niggly during his visits to the splendid Keeping Stock blog site.

But at the age of sixty-mumble-mumble, Alf still aspires to leading the National Party, although he keeps this ambition very private so as not to give the buggers in the Beehive any grounds for questioning his loyalty.

He is thoroughly devoted to the National Party, of course, and has been naive enough to think nobody(especially him) would want to lead the ACT Party after leading the National Party.

It seems he is wrong.

A few reports at the weekend suggest Don Brash is scheming to do just that.

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The trouble with being rid of Rodney is the prospect of being held hostage by Hone

September 20, 2010

Is anyone pissed off with my leadership down there?

Thanks to the antics of the ACT Party, Alf could not tuck into his breakfast this morning. He was deeply troubled.

More particularly, Alf lost interest in his breakfast thanks to the highlighting of a political consequence if the ACT Party was holding too few seats in Parliament

His appetite for bacon and eggs with a few slices of black pudding and fried bread was thoroughly ruined by Claire Trevett, writing in the Dom-Post about Rodney Hide and the political support he believes he still commands.

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The challenge (if anyone gives a toss) is to fit ACT’s name more aptly with its shabby image

September 18, 2010

Alf is fascinated by speculation that Don Brash might – or should – ride to the rescue of the ACT mob.

The speculation has been incorporated in a Herald account of David Garrett’s resignation from ACT in disgrace and the criticisms being heaped on Rodney Hide (and his judgment) after he acknowledged he supported Garrett as a candidate even after learning of details of his passport scam, including the use of a dead child’s identity.

Mind you, some of that criticism comes from the Labour side of the political divide and for that reason on any other occasion would be discounted.

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So which one is Inspector Frost and which one is a Kiwi who came under the influence of The Jackal?

September 17, 2010

Alf has alerted British authorities to his suspicions about the real identity of one of their best known police officers.

He refers, of course, to Inspector Frost, a gritty cop (and much admired by the British people) who did his crime-busting thing in Denton, in the British Midlands.

Alf suspects the real Inspector Frost is none other than a disgraced New Zealand member of Parliament, who landed his job as an MP not because he was popular with his electorate, but because the ACT Party saw fit to place him fairly high on its list.

The MP is known in this country as David Garrett, although Alf does not discount the possibility this might be an alias.

Unlike Inspector Frost, Garrett is a bloke who would have no show of winning votes in Eketahuna North, and – Alf wold venture – would be unlikely to attract votes anywhere else in this country if he stood for election in a constituency.

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The awful secret that Hide wants to hide – the bugger is biased against blondes

August 19, 2010

An obvious victim of blondism.


The media morons, ever so quick to whip up a row around racism if Hone Harawira is involved, have missed the obvious in their analysis of what’s been going on in the Act Party.

The obvious is that Act has a majority of blondists in its caucus – three of the buggers – who got rid of Heather Roy because she is a blonde.

The media, alas, has become so preoccupied with racism, sexism and homophobia that it has neglected this area of prejudice.

Society prefers not to discuss this form of prejudice, either.

Alf imagines that if you took a blondist complaint to the Human Rights Commission, you would be laughed out of the joint.

Mind you, he happens to believe that every complaint ever taken to the outfit should be laughed out of the joint, which should be pulled down and its inhabitants sent into the world to find proper jobs.

He upholds the right of all of us – and especially him – to be thoroughly prejudiced, including against blondes, baldies numbskulls and short-arsed tossers who wear yellow jackets.
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