Teens will be rushing our tea shops, if the truth gets out about what Banks and Key said

Forget about P, kids ... for a real buzz try this stuff.

Nothing was surer than that the ACT leadership would come into considerations, when he nation started speculating about what was recorded on the covert tape which has come under the cloud of a police investigation.

The Boss has done himself no favours, in Alf’s book, by whistling in the cops to look into the secret taping of his “cup of tea” meeting with ACT Epsom candidate John Banks.

It has merely amplified the speculation.

All sorts of stuff is flying around about how the conversation was recorded, and who has heard the conversation on the tape, and so on.

It seems 3 News is among those thought to have heard what was said, and we are supposed to have a whiff of what the conversation was about on the strength of a series of pointed questions it put to Banks about the future of Don Brash as ACT leader after the election.

According to a Stuff report –

If Don Brash must become a Minister, let’s give him something challenging like Racing

It’s a bit of a bugger to see Don Brash flagging his interest in becoming a minister in the next goverment.

Or rather, he made public some data which suggest plenty of New Zealanders – around one in four – want him to be a minister.

This level of clamour to have Don become a minister is a bit of a bugger from Alf’s very personal point of view.

If coalition wheeling and dealing resulted in Don becoming a minister, then Alf’s prospects become that much diminished. There are only so many jobs to go around.

Don, of course, was among those who spoke to the Business New Zealand election conference in Wellington yesterday.

Yes, Nick Smith is taking a punt with climate change – but so did Rodney with the Super City

A sartorial turn-off - and he's blinkered about Auckland, too.

Those tossers at ACT have a bloody nerve.

Mind you, lots of nerve is needed when membership requires you to be led by a bloke who wears yellow jackets.

In this case, however, Alf is talking about the nerve of John Boscowen, who basks in the title of ACT Deputy Leader and Climate Change Spokesman.

He has got all huffy about climate change matters, and is demanding to know

… how Climate Change Minister Dr Nick Smith could propose to reduce New Zealand greenhouse gas emissions to 50 percent below 1990 levels by 2050 when he does not even know what effect this target will have on jobs and GDP.

The answer is simple.

You take a bloody big punt, you stand up and you propose it.

And if you don’t know what will happen as a consequence – well, that’s just too bad.

A $2.7m bribe should bring warmth to Ratana – but will Nats get their votes in return?

If you bat for us we'll give your people a couple of schools and a hospital, we'll have a word with Peter Jackson about having The Hobbit filmed here - and how about some of the Rugby World Cup matches being played at Ratana?

A handout of public money was announced without much fuss on 20 December, a gift from the Government to a seemingly small and insignificant community near Wanganui.

This gift – or should we call it a bribe? – was actually paid for by taxpayers who had no say in the matter (as Alf’s mates sternly pointed out to him when they demanded why Eketahuna had not been the beneficiary).

It was a Christmas present for Ratana “to receive essential repairs and upgrades”.

Nah.

Actually, it looks more like an exercise in pork-barrel politicking and Alf was reminded of it as party leaders prepare for their annual trek to Ratana – the media call it a pilgrimage – to address Ratana followers at the religious movement’s annual celebrations near Wanganui today.

The ETS: it can’t be environmentally friendly to have those National votes go up in smoke

Grassroots National Party supporters in Alf’s neck of the woods are among those howling about the prospect of big price rises thanks to the wretched Emissions Trading Scheme.

The Dom-Post today records Prime Minister John Key’s confirmation that there was an ETS protest vote at a party conference last weekend.

“There certainly was a remit and they certainly did vote against wanting the ETS, they did vote to delay it.”

The newspaper goes on to say:

The ETS has been contested at a series of regional National Party conferences, particularly among its grassroots farming base.

Agriculture Minister David Carter has been trying to assuage caucus concerns, like those raised by Alf. He has been emailing MPs to assure us that claims by ACT about the ETS were just “misinformation”.

Here’s hoping he’s right.

Don’t knock the bop in all cases

Yeah, Alf knows how a good Nat was supposed to vote on the legislation to repeal the use of provocation as a partial defence for murder. But he has more than a sneaking regard for the concerns being expressed in the legal community.

Moreover, he salutes ACT, which was the only party to oppose the repeal bill which passed last night by 116 votes to five.

The legal objections are reported by Stuff.

How to stage a political announcement

ACT New Zealand knows how to lift your prospects of pulling the press to your press conference – you do it by making your announcements in the boozer.

Mind you, whether you can drag the buggers along to a boozer on a Saturday afternoon might be a different matter.

Anyway, ACT has advised all media that

a special press conference will be held at The Kingslander Bar & Tavern, 470 New North Road, Kingsland, Auckland to announce the ACT Party candidate for the upcoming Mt Albert by-election.

At 1:00pm this Saturday, May 2 2009, ACT Leader Rodney Hide will be joined by ACT President Michael Crozier to announce the Party’s candidate and to launch the Mt Albert campaign.

Just in case the hacks didn’t get the message, it was reiterated:

Mt Albert Candidate Announcement and Campaign Launch; Kingslander Bar & Tavern, 470 New North Road, Kingsland, Auckland; 1:00pm, Saturday, May 2 2009.

So who’s shout is it?