Now we have a good reason to keep Mallard and his colleagues from playing soccer

March 29, 2012

The link between playing football and testosterone levels has been established too late in Alf’s life for him to benefit.

But he will be bringing it to the attention of family members in the appropriate age bracket, encouraging them to take up football in the interests of getting much more foliage on the Grumble family tree.

He does this reluctantly, because he happens to look askance at the behaviour of football players whenever they score a goal. They kiss, hug and otherwise carry on like poofters.

Perhaps that’s because scoring – actually – is a rare event in many matches. The score typically can finish 1-0 after an hour and half or so of running up and down the field and kicking the ball around. Sometimes after all that grunting and sweating we get a scoreless draw.

But Alf can see there’s another side to the game.

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