And if your sex partner has a screw loose – would you get a discount or a refund?

Here's hoping she has been well oiled.

Fancy a bit of rumpy-pumpy with a robot?

It’s the way of the future, an astonished Alf learned today.

The Daily Mail has drawn his attention to a paper by two academics at Victoria University, in Wellington.

The academics envision the year 2050 and a group of men heading to a brothel in Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

But when they get there, instead of being met by a young woman, they are seen by an entirely different host: a robot.

This is the future, as imagined by two researchers who believe this science-fiction-style vision could become reality within 40 years.

The Daily Mail is reporting on a paper, Robots, Men And Sex Tourism, by Ian Yeoman and Michelle Mars of the Victoria Management School in Wellington, New Zealand.

The Bakshi brothel beat-up

Must have a chat with Kanwal Bakshi, a back-bencher with a flair for winning a headline. Alf has been struggling to win one for years, but fails even to have his name included on a list of successful candidates after general elections.

But today in the Sunday Herald, Bakshi not only has scored a headline – there’s a photo of him too, handsomely turbaned and looking real chuffed with himself.

Mind you, the headline isn’t calculated to enhance his political career.

Outrage over brothel at National MP’s house

At first blush, this suggests he or members of his family are in the brothel business.

Nonsense. The story tells us he is the part-owner of a property that was being used as a brothel in a neighbourhood of very straight-laced citizens (until he found out and kicked out the tenants.)