The Nelson tradition is upheld down south, except the foes were frisky young females

April 17, 2012

It took more than a bunch of sheilas from Southland to knock out his eye

Dunno if the Busted Blonde went to Southland Girls’ High School.

But if she happens to be an Old Girl, Alf invites her to explain the nature of the “traditional water fight” between the prefects of that establishment and the prefects from Southland Boys’ High School.

It seems improbable that school authorities would approve a battle of the sexes that involved the deployment of water-fight weaponry.

But – good grief – such an event is mentioned in a report at Stuff today.

Trouble is, important details are not mentioned, such as the origins of the water fight.

How and when did it start, and for what purpose was it started? How many combatants take part, what exactly is the nature of the weaponry they employ and how is the winner decided?

By the number of drownings, Alf wonders.

Read the rest of this entry »


Muttonbirds and malignancy … an encounter with radioactivity raises food safety issues

December 22, 2011

But was it nuked before flying south?

Spare a thought today for the Busted Blonde, whose observations on this, that and the other can be found at Roarprawn.

Her Christmas joy will be bruised by news of what’s happening – maybe – to muttonbirds.

Their exposure to nuclear radiation has raised concerns about their effects on people who eat them.

And it so happens these creatures rate high in BB’s culinary considerations.

Chances are she will be serving some of ’em for Christmas dinner.

Read the rest of this entry »


Hair’s the thing about Hannah, if you really want to nobble her league ambitions

June 17, 2011

"I want to be your leader."

At the very serious risk of offending The Busted Blonde, Alf is bemused this morning about a bit of carry-on within the Maori Women’s Welfare League.

According to radio reports and a story at Stuff, the Destiny Church has launched a hostile take-over battle for control of the league.

Hannah Tamaki, wife of bishop and founder of Destiny, Brian Tamaki, is running a slick photo-shopped campaign in a bid to become national president of the league and its nearly 4000 members.

Read the rest of this entry »


A blind eye is turned to Waitangi Day koha – so can other businesses charge discriminatory fees?

February 3, 2011

Horatio Nelson...he would have spotted the discrimination even if he looked with his blind eye.

Alf was driven yesterday to question what is so big deal about the Maori way of sorting out Hone Harawira’s differences with the rest of his Maori Party caucus.

Today he is looking into The Maori Way of plundering the Pakeha news media.

At first glimpse it seems calculated to land the buggers in big trouble with the Race Relations police.

Plans are afoot to impose a $1000 fee on the general media to go on to a marae on Waitangi Day, but no fee will be imposed on Maori media.

Hello.

Does anyone get the faintest whiff of discrimination here?

Alf imagines opening up a business – let’s say – as a barber.

He will offer free haircuts to the general population.

But if you are a Maori he will whop you with a $50 charge for his services.

No, he won’t go broke, because long before his capital has evaporated we can count on a warning shot being fired across his bows by Joris de Bres, and if the warning is ignored, he will be prosecuted.

Read the rest of this entry »


McCully is munificent – but it’s easy to treat guests to posh wine and oysters with public money

July 30, 2010

Alf is bound to observe (at the risk of offending colleagues) he has always been bothered by the Government’s curious urge to have a Rugby World Cup Minister, a portfolio he regards as thoroughly unnecessary and surplus to requirements at the best of times, let alone when we are tightening the old budgetary belt.

If the Government was plush with the spending stuff, of course, and if someone really has to be the Rugby World Cup Minister, then that someone really should be Alf.

An element of self-interest, accordingly, might taint what follows.

What follows happens to be a spluttering of profound outrage on learning from the Herald that Murray McCully …

has snatched the dubious record for the most expensive wine bought at the taxpayers’ expense with not one but four bottles of $185pinot noir while hosting a dinner for the International Rugby Board this year.

Read the rest of this entry »


TV3, Tuhoe and a teasing item about Treaty negotiations – but why weren’t they keeping tabs on Pita?

April 20, 2010

It’s a bloody good thing Alf started his round-up of the blogs this morning by checking out what the Busted Blonde had to say at Roarprawn. He had been limbering up to take a whack at Chris Finlayson, our Minister of Treaty Negotiations, after being incensed by a TV3 news item last night.

According to TV3 –

The Government is on the verge of offering the Tuhoe tribe a treaty settlement that could be as groundbreaking as it is controversial.

Tuhoe is hoping it will mean total control of the Urewera National Park, and start the tribe on the way to self-rule and becoming a separate nation.

Well, bugger me, Alf thundered.

A treaty settlement with Tuhoe? Didn’t Tuhoe take great pride in refusing to sign the bloody document?

And what’s all this bollocks about self-rule?

Before we know it, we will be needing a bloody passport to get into the national park, and probably we will have to pay hefty fees to drive on the roads, walks on the tracks and swim in the lakes.
Read the rest of this entry »


That’s what comes of flying with your family to see Pixies – you finish up in flak

March 17, 2010

A fellow blogger ran into a bit more turbulence than he would have expected after posting some stuff about Charles Chauvel’s disapproval of noisy kids on a flight from Auckland to Wellington.

More than a few of the comments in response to the posting are chiding the complaining blogger.

One of them says –

… I appreciate the difficulties in keeping little children quiet for any kind of extended period of time but also it might pay to appreciate how freaking infuriating it is for everyone else to share a flight with them. Mr Chauvel’s comments are well within the realms of reason in my opinion, I probably would have said something similar (I’m a taxpayer, a voter and a citizen).

Read the rest of this entry »


Is that Moby Dick’s spout on the horizon, Cap’n Ahab – or is it one of them political dicks?

March 14, 2010

It's a whale of a whanger (or a whanger of a whale)...

... but Jumbo's is impressive too.


The Busted Blonde deliciously illustrated a posting on that Peter Bethune bugger with a picture of a penis. A whale’s penis.

Alf does not intend contesting the proposition that a whale’s penis is bigger than an elephant’s. But he understands that, for its size, the elephant has the bigger appendage.

Interesting, eh?

But actually, this posting is not about which creature has the bigger penis. Alf is more fascinated in musing on who is the bigger dick.

The candidates this morning are Labour wailer Chris Carter and anti-whaler Bethune.
Read the rest of this entry »


Let’s try bazookas to curb the big-city charlies who ignore red lights

December 16, 2009

Alf today calls for traffic authorities in cities like Wellington and Auckland to consider employing the traffic-halting attributes of one Cherelle May Dudfield.

Cherelle can bring traffic to a halt, which red traffic lights too often fail to do. Crazed motorists in those cities – and no doubt in other cities, too – simply keep going when the lights turn to orange then red.

That’s where Cherelle – and others like her who might be tempted to become traffic controllers – comes into Alf’s fiendish plan.

Perhaps the Busted Blonde would consider offering her ample services.

Alf envisages Cherelle and the others being strategically located at key intersections to do to big-city motorists what she did to Invercargill ones (although keeping these traffic controllers out of harm’s way for long could be a problem).

Stuff today explains what it’s all about.

An Invercargill woman literally stopped traffic when she flashed her breasts at motorists, causing a car to run into her.

Alas, this resulted in her being brought before Judge David Holderness in the Invercargill District Court charged with disorderly behaviour.

She admitted the charge.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Rob Mills said Dudfield had stood in the middle of the road flashing her breasts at passing motorists on September 27, but the fun went awry when one of the vehicles crashed into her.

Dudfield attempted to run from its path, but rolled over the bonnet, cracking the windscreen, he said. She had not suffered any injuries.

Her explanation

She told police she flashed the drivers after being “egged on” by her friend, Mr Mills said.

She was fined $275.


The curious dislocation of Clare Curran

October 20, 2009

The Labour Party’s Clare Curran is gurgling today after discovering that Lords of the Blog has a posting about Red Alert.

Curran describes Lords of the Blog as a cross parliamentary blog from the House of Lords, which only goes to show she has no grasp of the importance of the hyphen in a compound adjective.

No, it is not a blog for cross parliamentarians. It is a cross-parliamentary blog, which means parliamentarians of various stripes contribute to its contents.

Anyway, Clare carries on –

Read the rest of this entry »