Don Nicolson’s race against Bill English: he is standing but won’t be busting a gut to beat him

Dunno why you would enter a race if you don’t intend to run flat out to win.

But Don Nicolson – it would seem – is doing just that.

The former Federated Farmers president was confirmed as an Act Party candidate a week ago.

Nicolson will stand against Finance Minister Bill English in the Clutha Southland electorate.

He will be the party’s farming spokesman.

The Dom-Post reported at the time the candidacy was announced:

“I’m very pleased to be standing for the party,” he said.

Standing, it should be noted. But not necessarily running, at least not to win the seat.

This Braunias bloke should have communicated with pictures, when he wanted to use the “c” word

One of these blokes is Alfred E.Neuman, the other is a sacked columnist.

Alf’s attention has been drawn to the sacking of a Sunday Star-Times scribbler who looks remarkably like Alfred E Neuman, the iconic cover boy of Mad magazine.

The sacking is neither here nor there to Alf, but he delights in pointing out to his constituents that the sacked scribbler would qualify for featuring in Mad magazine on account of his exchange of execrable e-mails with – of all people – a female police prosecutor.

Down in Wellington, during the week, a few people were sufficiently bothered to conjecture on what the columnist might have done.

Here in Eketahuna, we couldn’t give a toss but one of Alf’s mates – the only one who has ever read Braunias’s stuff, it transpires – said he would have sacked the bugger long ago for failing to write in a language he understands, which turns out to be the same language that got the columnist the sack.

We should be encouraging women to come to Te Papa – so let’s keep out the taonga instead

Alf admires a politician who is prepared to stick his neck out and – in the case of Te Papa – seem to be over-ruling a bit of superstitious nonsense emanating from the mandarins who run the joint.

Hats off, therefore, to Arts, Culture and Heritage Minister Chris Finlayson.

Today he is quoted as saying the controversial warning to pregnant or menstruating women to stay away from Maori artefacts at Te Papa is simply an advisory.

Women can decide to ignore it.

If you want to find out what this fuss is all about – as viewed by the country’s bloggers, anyway – you should check out the post on the matter at Homepaddock.

It includes a reference to a post by the admirable Cactus Kate, headed: “Cook Your Own F**ing Eggs I’m Menstruating”.

Zapped for DIC – but the Soper case was curiously moved from the Wellington courthouse to Porirua

Well, well, well.

The bugger whose neglect of Alf was catalystic in the establishment of this blog has been in a bit of strife with the law.

Yep. Alf is talking about Barry Soper, who scrubs up well on a good day as can be seen by this pic of him.

Mind you, Soper wears bow ties on many occasions other than black tie ones, which makes him look like a bit of tosser, which he probably is. Moreover he was bearded, last time Alf saw him, and beards can be camouflage for a myriad of flaws.

But Alf digresses from the day’s news:

Newstalk ZB political editor and veteran broadcast journalist Barry Soper has been fined and disqualified from driving after being arrested for drink-driving last month.

Soper appeared in Porirua District Court on Friday, pleading guilty to driving in central Wellington with 99 milligrams of alcohol for every 100ml of blood – the legal limit is 80.

Normally you would expect Soper to be delighted to win himself a bit of publicity. He likes to be admired, a trait he shares with Alf.

Whatever happened to heterosexual partnerships as a political plus for Labour Party promotions?

Alf must confess to being somewhat bewildered about the rewards and punishment system in the Labour Party.

He has just been reading in his Herald that one of Labour’s newest MPs, Grant Robertson, is expected to get a big promotion today after three colleagues were demoted for misusing Crown credit cards while they were ministers.

The demotions, of course, had been well and truly signalled.

For their poor judgment in using their ministerial cards, list MP Shane Jones lost his environment and economic development spokesmanships, Te Atatu MP Chris Carter lost foreign affairs responsibility and list MP Mita Ririnui lost forestry.

Chris Carter? Demotion?

What nonsense is this at Internal Affairs? Oh, yes – they have been made to look pathetic by a Maori mum

Talking about increasingly craven demands for PC language and behaviour (as Alf was doing with his previous post), the SOLO site is always worth a visit as an antidote.

Its motto is “say what you mean, and mean what you say”.

Libertarian Lindsay Perigo has taken up the Andy Haden matter, describing Murray McCully as “Rugby World Cup Commissar—a position that shouldn’t exist…”

McCully (says Perigo) met with former All Black Andy Haden “to tell him to pull his head in.

Governments, according to McCully, exist to run Rugby World Cups and tell people what to think.

But Alf was much more taken by an earlier item, which followed up on an issue raised the other day by the splendid Cactus Kate.

Explanations, please, on who made a killing from the promotion – then demotion – of Allied Farmers

Alf is hoping our Commerce Minister, the splendid Simon Power, will whistle Mark Weldon across to the Beehive this week for a “please explain”.

Weldon, of course, is the Chief Executive of the NZX and was a member of the Capital Market Development Taskforce. The task force came up with a bundle of ideas for improving that bit of our financial system.

Last week, Power was saying the Government shared the taskforce’s view that capital markets are key to improving the financial wellbeing of all New Zealanders and a vital source of finance for business.

Two very different ways of shedding flab

Alf got a big chuckle from his mates in the Eketahuna Club when he brandished copies of a great post by Cactus Kate on the Fundamental Differences Between ACT and the Maori Party.

It kicks off by drawing a contrast between ACT’s belief in hard work and discipline to succeed at something in life and the Maori Party’s propensity to take short cuts.

To illustrate this it cites (and pictures) the once-rotund Rodney Hide, who trimmed down the hard way. Through determination and exercise.

Tickling this PETA would be a nice job for BB

PETA needs someone like BB and BB would benefit from membership of PETA.

Alf, accordingly, has sent her name to them with an application for immediate membership and a bit of stuff about how she could do for PETA’s media coverage what an unfortunate burst of domestic violence has done for Tony Veitch. Get its name all over the front pages of our newspapers and heavy coverage on radio and TV.

PETA is shorthand for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (although there’s no need to remember this, because their cause is an eminently unmemorable one).

They desperately need good public relations advice, although – even better – they desperately need to find a better cause to peddle.

They banged out a statement on Friday pleading with Environment Minister Nick Smith to become a vegetarian to reduce carbon emissions.