We hereby nominate not only a Kiwi Battler, but an extremely modest Kiwi Battler

July 14, 2010

Organisers of the Kiwi Battler competition need look no further.

Alf is their man, as everybody in his community (unless some Labourites or Greenies have sneaked into town) will tell you.

He is excited at the prospect of being appropriately recognised after learning that a nationwide search for charities, groups or individuals who battle against the odds or fight the extra mile for their community is being launched today.

The Kiwi Battler competition has been set up by Gareth and Joanne Morgan, whose trust will award $30,000 to the winner’s favourite charity.

Dr Morgan said much of the couple’s charity work was focused on overseas projects, but they now wanted to reward Kiwis working hard for their communities at home.

“It’s not just about the winner. I’m just looking for stories of people who in a pretty unheralded way have made a major contribution to their community.”

There can be little doubting the major contribution Alf has made to his community.

The unheralded bit, alas, is a consequence of the gross negligence of bloody hacks in the Parliamentary press gallery – Barry Soper and the likes – who persistently ignore Alf’s media statements and his wonderful speeches in the House.

Battler nominations are being sought from the public, the Dominion-Post explains, and Dr Morgan is hoping for a big response.

The winners will get $1000 for themselves and $10,000 for their favourite charity.

The Eketahuna Club probably doesn’t count as a charity.

In that case, Alf would consider donating the money to an outfit like Save The Krill.


The poohbahs who picked on a hospice-helping pickle-maker should now be sent packing

January 1, 2010

Let’s kick off the new year with good news.

Alf was cheered to learn that the Northland woman banned from making jam for her local hospice shop is back in full production after a gap of four months.

Remember her?

She is Gloria Crawford, a 68-year-old retired farmer from Waipapa.

She is a great lady doing good deeds for her community.

But she fell foul of local council inspectors with nothing much to do, obviously, except flex their regulatory muscle. They told her she could no longer make jams and pickles for sale because she didn’t have a registered kitchen.

Can you guess where a common- sense way around this daftness was to be found?

In Wellington, folks, among the capital’s bureaucrats.

The Food Safety Authority overruled what it described as absurd regulations, and allowed the good lady to continue, albeit with an obligtion to submit a food safety programme.

Mrs Crawford says she passed the jam test several weeks ago, and now she’s had the all-clear for her sauces and pickles.

“They stood and watched me make a batch of jam and that was fine, I met their criteria there.

“And then the sauces and pickles came up. I got these questions and seemed to answer them satisfactorily so they said well that’s okay, go for it.”

Mrs Crawford reckons new food regulations being brought in next year should make life easier for charity jam makers.

Good stuff.

Just one thing would turn this good news into great news. Alf would like to hear that the puffed-up poohbahs responsible for a pathetic interpretation of policy procedures for making pickles were sent packing. They are prize prats.


Hey – give Alf a break

February 10, 2009

Good grief. The news media will be rushing to the PM’s office in the Beehive at noon tomorrow for “a photo opportunity” when Key’s cast is handed over to the bloke who bought it through TradeMe for $18,500.

It’s all for a good cause. The proceeds of the auction will go to the Solomon Islands work of the Fred Hollows Foundation, which runs blindness prevention programmes in Third World countries.

But Alf is apt to wonder about it all.

Here’s how he sees it:

The Boss falls over, breaks an arm, gets plastered, and next thing you know the news media are agog with what’s happened and big bucks are being bandied about.

Alf gets plastered, falls over, breaks wind, and the news media take no notice.

Yep. Life can be bloody unfair.