Oh, no – British blokes are being put out to pasture as David Cameron opts to put gender before merit

July 17, 2014
Nice legs ... but better brains than the blokes booted out of the cabinet?

Nice legs … but better brains than each of the blokes booted out of the British Cabinet?

Alf is hoping The Boss is not seized by his Pommie counterpart’s pathetic impulse to kick experienced blokes out of his Cabinet to replace them with a bunch of sheilas.

The hard-working member for Eketahuna North confesses to his concerns being driven by self-interest. He still hankers for a place in the Key Cabinet. If The Boss takes a sudden snitch against mature male MPs…

Well, that would put the kibosh on Alf’s ministerial ambitions, obviously.

Cameron has run amok, by all accounts, replacing older male ministers with up-and-coming women.

He has had the gall to declare his new team reflects modern Britain.

Does this mean blokes in modern Britain should be put out to pasture when they reach a certain age?

It’s heartening to hear Cameron now faces a backlash from some of the Tory old guard who accuse him of culling middle-aged male ministers regardless of their merits.

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Learning how to raise funds from harlots – for a fee, business people could rub shoulders with the PM

August 17, 2013

Have just prepared a memo for the buggers who run the National Party, who are always looking for ways of raising funds.

The memo is aimed at bringing more dosh into the party coffers by doing what the Brits are doing.

Britain’s PM and other political leaders have learned a trick or two from harlots.

They know they have what business people want, and they are willing to make it available – at a price.

We are not talking about your basic rumpy-pumpy here.

Nope. No clothing need be removed.

All the business people want is access.

So – let ’em have it for an appropriate fee.

The same is true in this country.

Business people love rubbing shoulders with the PM.

Let’s give them the opportunity – and charge them for the privilege.

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Crusher has just put the squeeze on traditionalists by calling for their support on a royalty reform

February 18, 2013

Your long-serving, hard-working MP faces an awkward decision: will he vote aye on a Government bill, or vote no. Or simply stay away when the vote is taken – by taking refuge in 3:2 of the Beehive maybe.

Justice Minister Judith Collins (see here) has only just announced legislation that will be introduced to Parliament today to clear the way for changes to laws dictating the line of succession to the throne.

The Royal Succession Bill allows an elder daughter to precede a younger son in the line of succession, meaning the order of succession to the throne will no longer be based on gender.

“The new laws will apply to any children in the Royal line of succession born after 28 October 2011. This means the change will apply to the child of Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, due to be born in July,” says Ms Collins.

The dilemma for a bloke of Alf’s conservative disposition is whether to stick with his monarchist principles or support a Government bill that is sure to put us on the slippery slope to republicanism or worse.

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What to do with a tiresome nag? You could try butchery and turn it into burgers

January 17, 2013
From paddock...

From paddock…

... to plate

… to plate

A great deal of horse crap has been written in the past day or so after some frozen burgers were found to contain –

Tighten your seat-belts, if you happen to be of a delicate disposition, and brace for a shock.

They were found to contain horse meat.

Why it would be okay for them to contain pork, or beef, or lamb, or venison, or chicken, or turkey – or umpteen things so long as it is not horse meat – is bewildering.

It’s not as if the bloody beast is going to whinny or snort just as you prepare to sink your teeth into the burger.

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UK Minister calls for a cover-up – she wants papers like The Sun to stop publishing pix of topless sheilas

September 24, 2012

Dunno what Lynne Featherstone would make of New Zealand.

But it’s fair to say she would have some difficulty explaining her theories about the causes of domestic violence in this country.

It’s also fair to say – as you will learn from this post – that we can expect to hear much more about her campaign.

That’s because her job is to rid the world of domestic violence, and the world included New Zealand last time Alf checked his globe.

This Lynne Featherstone sheila happens to be a Lib Dem minister in Britain.

As a Lib Dem, of course, she should be viewed with profound suspicion from the outset, your basic Lib Dem being apt to lean much too much to the left from Alf’s staunchly held position on political matters.

She has to be viewed with great suspicion, furthermore, because she harbours some curious ideas about the effect of looking at pictures of topless bints in newspapers.

Actually, she wants to slap a ban on the publication of such pictures which – when you think about it – is a very unliberal thing to do, and may well be undem, too.

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Gotta give the British PM full marks for bottle – he has gone for talent instead of a gender quota

September 16, 2012

But if we got rid of all the sheilas, who would make the tea?

Let’s admire David Cameron’s balls.

Alf means “balls” in the sense that the British PM has lots of bottle, rather than that he necessarily has a titanic (or otherwise attractive) set of testicles.

Cameron has demonstrated this by changing his ministerial pecking order and putting a bunch of ministerial sheilas in their place by so doing.

No doubt this is their rightful place, but they are squawking about sexism and so on.

And dammit, some who feel they have been hard done by have burst into tears. Allegedly.

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Changes to royal rules of succession would be a step much too far in favour of bloody women’s libbers

October 17, 2011

Well bugger me, Alf spluttered on hearing of changes afoot for the monarchy. It looks like another serious setback for blokedom.

Under the new deal, our future Kings or Queens – yep ours, coz we haven’t become a republic yet despite the best efforts of a bunch of constitutional reform tossers – would be decided simply by order of birth.

This means a first-born daughter of William and Kate will accede to the throne regardless of any male siblings under new plans which have been personally approved by the Queen.

It also means the Princess Royal would leapfrog over her younger brothers, Princes Andrew and Edward, to rise from tenth to fourth in the royal pecking order in the line to the throne.

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A welcome call for the stigmatisation of fathers who leave taxpayers to pay for their kids’ upbringing

June 19, 2011

We get good ballsy advice today from Britain’s PM, David Cameron, which is very relevant to ratbag fathers in this country.

He is launching a full-scale attack on fathers who abandon their families and calls for them to be “stigmatised” by society in the same way as drink-drivers are.

From a policy point of view, he wants to recognise marriage in the tax system “so as a country we show we value commitment.”

His robust ideas are contained in in an article for The Sunday Telegraph to mark Father’s Day.

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If you need bodyguards, you might as well hire a team who can melt your foes by fluttering their eyes

March 1, 2011

If only Alf were younger...

Dunno what’s stopping the buggers, but “The West” (according to The Guardian) “is edging towards a possible military confrontation with Muammar Gaddafi’s regime…”

The US has deployed naval and air force units around Libya, and Britain’s David Cameron has ordered contingency plans for a no-fly zone.

Mind you, by the time they get up and going, it could be all over for Gadaffi, because Cameron is reported to have told the Ministry of Defence and the chief of the defence staff to draw up the plans in coordination with Britain’s Nato allies and report back to him within days.

But things are moving fast in Libya.

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We’ve never had it so good? Nonsense, that’s not what a miserable Pom wants to be told

November 20, 2010

His downfall was to publicly talk about the bright side of British life.

Wanna know why your basic Pom is soon known as a whinging Pom?

Among a myriad of factors, it’s got much to do with a disinclination to look on the bright side of life and to resist being told there is a bright side. Eric Idle, of course, is an honourable exception.

Keeping whinging Poms feeling miserable – and therefore, in an absurd way, keeping them happy – is politically challenging.

Their preference for having much to moan about has just led to the resignation of a bloke called Lord Young, whose gaffe was to echo Sir Harold Macmillan and tell the miserable buggers to cheer up, they have never had it so good.

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